MOOP!

Sometimes I want to be someone I'm deeply and irrevocably not.

Popular. Non-geeky. Made-up and shaven. Normal. Monoamorous, vanilla and *straight*.

Why? Damned if I know. Maybe it's easier. Maybe it's just human curiosity. Or maybe, deep inside me, I carry a little bit of this residual shame that's leaked into me from years and years and *years* of American pop-culture conditioning.

My entire life has raised me to believe that:
Being unpopular is something to be ashamed of.
Being geeky is something to be ashamed of.
Not wearing make up is something to be ashamed of.
Not shaving my legs is definitely something to be ashamed of.
Being weird is something to be ashamed of.
Loving multiple people is something to be ashamed of.
Liking to be bitten or tied up is something to be ashamed of.

...Being bisexual is something that, maybe just for a month, it's okay to be proud of.

Maybe in July, when it's back to being straightfolk appreciation year, I can return to being ashamed of the fact that I like to kiss girls. Right now though? The president --the very government of this fucking country, WHATEVER that means-- has given me permission to be proud of who I am.

Did I need that permission? No, of course not. The first word of this post is "sometimes", after all, not always.

But the next time that little bit of insecurity in the back of my mind, that makes me worry about what people will think, what people will say, what people will do if I dare allude to my bisexual nature? That secret shame, that makes me pick my battles, let me shut up in high school (and yes, even college) when I heard my identity used as a slur? That tiny bastard of doubt, that keeps me from being able to fully accept who I am.

I can tell it to shut the fuck up. The world is changing. Ten years from now, I will still have that residual shame from all my deviances.

And sometimes, I will wish that I was

Popular
Non-geeky
Made up and shaven
Normal
Vanilla
Monoamorous

...and just as bisexual as I've always been.

~Sor
MOOP!