MOOP!

Today I slept in -no alarm at all!- for the first time in a _long_ time. Because of bells, I don't even get weekend sleep-ins anymore (although I can certainly sleep _later_ than on work days), so this was The Height Of Luxury!

I had incredibly vivid dreams, most of which I don't remember, several of which were lucid, some of which involved music-making? I am disappointed to not remember the song that was playing itself out.

Spent basically the whole afternoon alternating between "playing Crypt of the Necrodancer" and "Accomplishing House Tasks" --I told myself I couldn't play more than one round in a row without ~doing something~ so some things got did:

• Basic room clean (make bed, put clothes in basket, clean off desk)



• Dishes! Emptied dishwasher, filled dishwasher, washed handwash dishes!



• Cleaned up my closet --the last several times I've needed something from in there, it's involved a frustrating "wait, everything in here is a disaster". Shockingly, there were _very_ few things in there that weren't supposed to be (like...a pocket's worth of spare change and paper clips, and that's it), so it all just needed organization a bit. I also managed to get rid of five and a half pairs of shoes, which is _astonishing_ for me.
  
  (The half is one pair which has left the wearable pile and been put into "projects" because I want to try and find out how to buy another pair, they are my grail heels --super comfortable and extremely cute! And of course, absolutely zero marks on them to indicate where they came from.)



• Walked a thing over to a neighbor, found out that neighbor's housemate was my friend Mieke, got a tour of the house and half an hour of very nice social!



• Worked on my current secret project, which hasn't been touched since April. I'll tell you about it in 357 more days. Got good progress though!



• Went to Target to buy groceries for the house and underwear for Pinewoods



• Also I reached final-boss in Necrodancer once, and managed to get one of the wacky accomplishments I didn't have (use red dragon to kill different miniboss) which is cool!

I have a couple Big Summer Goals that I'd like to try and work on in this lovely "no actual work" space. At least one of them is waiting for my fucking phone to be repaired. I have not had a phone since Friday the 10th and I am extremely bored of this fact.

Big Summer Goal 1: Clear out _all_ the "free stuff" in the front hall that we want to give to neighbors. (This needs phone so I can photograph for the local Buy Nothing)

Big Summer Goal 2: Organize papers. Yes, including the work-papers and the dance-papers that have mostly avoided being touched in my file cabinet reorgs.

Big Summer Goal 3: Finance shit???????

I'm sure I will get bored of being able to sleep until noon, but for now it is _the best thing_ and I intend to do it again tomorrow. Luxury!!!

~Sor
MOOP!

So, when I visited Tuesday over February break, she introduced me to a social media app called BeReal.

The premise is that a notification will happen once per day, and you will be prompted to take a double photo (simultaneous front and back camera) to post for your friends. The notification will be at the same time for everyone using the app, but at a random different time each day.

(As I've discovered, you don't actually have to post at the notified time --it'll just tell everyone how many minutes late your BeReal was. The way I play it is to always post as soon as I see the notification, regardless of how long it's been since it was actually sent.)

Pictures are limited to just your friends by default, but you can choose to put them into the "discovery" mode, where anyone could see them. You can see your friends' BeReals until the next daily notification, and then they're gone. I can see my own archive of photos (in a very nice calendar form that I can quickly scroll through, and I *love* the app for that alone!) but I can't see anyone else's.

And that's the whole thing! It's a social media feed that's limited to one post per day per person, that you can't even go back into the archive of. I've been pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoy it...and that's with only two friends! If it sounds Of Interest to you, I'd enjoy having more friends there (and also there are more features if you have ten friends apparently? I have no idea what). I'm Sorcyress, because yeah obviously, and that should be plenty searchable.

~Sor
MOOP!

canyonwalker commented on my most recent post with the following:

I'm curious about the dice reward system you've mentioned several times recently. Are you talking about actual dice, like the kind used in tabletop RPGs? What kind of dice do you like, and how does the reward system work?

...and then I accidentally wrote my whole day's worth of words in response. It turns out I am REALLY EXCITED TO BABBLE ABOUT DICE. Probably this fact is not surprising to people who've been haunting my journal since 2004 (how do I not have a tag for this?) but I'm always happy to squee more!

Here we go:

***

I am talking actual dice! I like RPGs well enough, but my true love has always been the clicky-clacky polyhedral math rocks and over my lifetime I have acquired...more than most people. I'm no Seanan McGuire (who obtained an old Library card catalog to store and sort her own collection) but I'm no slouch either.

(The link above is some photos showing the ~600 dice I have in sets or otherwise with some sort of "special" factor to them. Not pictured is the ~300 loose random dice that aren't in sets, which I use for various math teacher purposes and pretend not to notice when my students steal one or two.)

I like all dice, but my preference is for plastic over metal or wood. I have a few metal sets and they're nice enough -and the weight is great- but I am always more worried that they'll scratch each other up if I store them in bags and I don't have an interest in getting heaps of fancy storage boxes. My preference is for ALL THE COLOURS, but you'll notice a distinct bias for greens and oranges (which matches up with my colour bias for, uh, everything else I own!).

I've found that I'm picky about inclusions in my dice --I appreciate that lots of dicemakers want to put lots of cute things into their dice, but I find the effect most often falls flat. I still own a handful¹, but I've been trying to be _very_ selective about which additional ones I purchase since I don't like being disappointed. The dice are just usually too distorted to clearly figure out what's supposed to be inside.

(Speaking of Seanan McGuire though, I *do* have a set of Evergreen Burrow's Scrollie Rollies with fragments of a copy of the book Middlegame embedded in the resin. Those are absolutely *not* a disappointment, they are _gorgeous_.)

My go-to companies are Foam Brain Games (bigger dice company that does some originals and lots of outsourcing, their convention displays are *so* delightful to peruse), Ice Cream Dice (small company with food inspired dice that is so candy-bright and delicious to look at!) and Dead Eye Dice (small company I found on Etsy with totally handmade sets). I'm not exclusive though --my spreadsheet² includes 14 different companies (and it's not complete, I'll probably find another four or five companies when I next update!)

***

As for the reward system, I bought one of Black Oak Workshop's Advent-ure Calendars last year. I didn't actually have anything in particular to count down to, so it languished for a couple months until I figured out that I could use it as an incentive for Getting Things Done. I was already keeping my Dailies list (a group of about twenty things I should do every, or at least most, day(s)) so it was easy enough to just consider opening one door of the calendar as a reward for hitting 15/20. 75% is a healthier (and more attainable!) goal than 100%.)

I've managed to earn a die about 40% of days since implementing this system, which maybe means my threshold is still a little too high, or maybe just means I really do need to push myself a little more to Get Things Done. Many of my dailies are things that could be done in 10 minutes or less, I just need to...make myself fit it into the rest of the day!

What I have managed to do is not buy any more dice since starting the system...sortof. I actually have four still-sealed packages in my room, each holding 3-6 sets of dice from a different company, which will allow me³ to restock the calendar once I've opened all the doors. Given a 40% rate, it might take me all year to open and have those other pretties, but I've been considering ToDo list methods that could earn me a second die for each day.

***

Part of me wants to end this post with some kind of defense of the money and space I've spent here, but nope! Not doing it. The money would be a lot if you looked at it all at once, but I've been collecting dice since I was twelve, and the amounts and kinds I buy are commensurate with my disposable income. Own Pretty Things That Make You Happy --as Ms. Kondo would say, my dice spark joy, and therefore are a good part of my life!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: And if I were writing this comment at home instead of during free time at work I'd be diving into my dicebags to photograph more examples...

2: What? Obviously I have a spreadsheet. I love spreadsheets almost as much as I love dice, and it's a nice way to keep organized about All This.

3: Well...technically I'll have someone else load it for me. It's just more fun if I don't know exactly what I'm going to get (and because I ordered some mystery sets from some of the companies, there really will be some complete surprises for me!)

[[written last night after I got home, posted this morning yay!]]

So like...as an indication of how I'm doing, I'm typing words on the school computer tonight, because Mel is still downstairs and I just couldn't be arsed to go down again and get her after already walking up the stairs once.

I am...pretty damn wiped out, from an ultimately brilliant and lovely day. Really really satisfied and happy, just exhausted.

It was Bee's birthday (well, it is on Monday) so they had decreed that after bells today there should be some celebrating. So before heading to bells, I packed up my bag carefully and made sure I would be completely ready for Adventures! Some highlights:

*Bells went really quite well today. I watched a round of Cambridge minor, paying specially attention to what JohnS was doing (because he's very good) and making my brain relearn the path, which turned out to actually work and when I got to ring it later, I only messed up a few times.

*I also rang what might've been my first ever touch of Plain Bob Minor where I was in the right spot every single blow. Like, I wasn't perfect with the timing, I was sometimes a little on the early or late side of the blow, but I distinctly and specifically knew where I was supposed to be --and was approximately there-- every time and I am proud of myself for that as long as I don't think too hard about things.

*The main adventure was BEACH! We all gathered food, met on the greenway as usual, and then split up half-by-car and half-by-T to go to Wonderland and have a nice time! The T group won the race by like 10-15 minutes, which was very excellent, although all of us were beat by Greg who had cheated by not being at ringing and therefore able to leave whenever he wanted.

*I went into the ocean twice. The first time I moved very slow but did dunk to neck. Also spent a bunch of time standing knee-ish deep and chatting with Julia about library stuff. The second time was after sand adventures (see below) and I went in more quickly and did eventually full dunk, which means my hair is full of salt. I lasted longer than I expected, and got out not quite soon enough¹, but very nearly, and so only needed a small amount of wrapped-in-towel-and-sunshine recuperation time.

*Last time I was at the beach, I dug a quite good hole, and decided to do so again this time, which proved hugely popular with the "young" set of ringers (basically all of us between 20-35). Six of us worked together to dig a fairly giant hole --and we started close enough to the wall and pavilions that we actually reached the bottom! (Did you know that parts of Wonderland beach appear to be built on cement?). It was a very lovely bonding exercise.

*Also lovely bonding? The part where we then all dug little seats around the edge of the hole and sat on them and stuck our feet in on top of each other and then obviously dragged the sand in and filled it in so we were just a circle of torsos sticking out of the sand.

*And then we played Spoons! Using seashells, natch. The last round was the "throw all the shells way out of reach so that everyone except first-person will have to go dragging themself out of the sand to get them and it will be very dramatic" which was pretty much perfect except that we accidentally lost one card. Sorry Todd! :(

*Then there was long walks by the shoreside with Austin, and a bit of juggling and volleyball and frisbee and finally we all headed back to Bee and Austin's place for birthday cake and dinner and that was all very good as well.

I did not grow up with beach adventures in my childhood, not really but this has proven to be a fun thing to try for the summer! Lots of sunscreen is necessary of course, but I really enjoy the parts that feel sort of universally human --jump in and over and around the waves, pick up cool shells to show each other, and dig big holes.

Anyways, it is late and I have to be up early for tomorrow's adventures. Ta!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I have a growing familiarity with the fact that my body can't handle cold water for very long. I did the bad thing and stayed in way too long once, a couple years ago, and then found myself in the thoroughly unpleasant situation of standing around wrapped tightly in a towel (or two?) in 80+ degree weather on a sunny day, with my teeth chattering so hard I couldn't talk. That was no good, and the goal now that I've learned the limit is to not actually push past it again.

So it helps, I think, that even though New Years is an incredibly important holiday to me, it is also one that is already badly fragmented and does not have any consistent rituals to it. Because The New Years Party had its last year a decade ago, and the time since has been split between the small little shindigs and the almost-good-enough sprawl of Hogmanay.

(that is not to say that Hogmany is not utterly amazing --it is a wonderful event and I genuinely adore it and it's really wonderful and fantastic as its own thing. But my brain is never quite going to forget my childhood enough to let me view any New Years Party as completely independent. Hence: almost-good-enough.)

But yes! For the last decade-ish, I've been bouncing back and forth year-to-year between mom and Hogmanay which means that...there...isn't a set New Years ritual that always happens. There's at least two, and they cross over with each other a little bit (I call the boyfriends who are far away to wish them a kiss) but they're not the same and so...I'm already used to that.

It made this year easier, let me fuckin' tell you.

Because right, I'm in the global bad place that we're all in right now, and obviously if you saw yesterday's trainwreck of a post you know that I specifically am in a not-great place, and then here we come to one of the holidays I really give a shit about and I'm spending it with no one but my roommates who I love but have seen every single day for many hours for basically the last ten months without a break.

But...I...don't have things to miss? Not in the same way as Christmas, where there are rituals to maintain like eating grapefruit and early morning talks with Alys. All the stuff I am missing from being home with mom, well, I'd miss that any year I was at Hogmanay instead. All the stuff I'm missing from my big sprawling dance family, well, I'd miss that any year I was in Texas. All the bellringing that happens for first night, well, I've pretty much resigned myself to being triple booked and never making that happen ever anyways.

So this year I just took all the things I would usually miss and combined them into one pile and yeah, I miss them all, sure. But I spent a lot of time on Discord with the bellringers, and a short time on zoom with the Hogmanay folks (I successfully sang Auld Lang Syne with the crowd and then turned off my camera --a thing I find verboten with zoom because I'm a teacher and I know how badly it sucks to not have cameras on-- in order to sob deeply into my arms for a moment).

And this year I'm not going to fall asleep wrapped in the arms of someone I love¹ but shit, that's happened before and I do have Emily the elephant and Lazarus and Lemonsnout and Fat Steggy and Beatriz and Carey-Ann and CathyDoll and the whole squad of smolfriends (Boris, Cardamom, trans-thulu, Lowell, Nelly) and like...as a grown ass adult, if I want to fall asleep on New Years Eve in a pile of well loved stuffed animals that is 100% my prerogative and it's gonna be awesome yanno?

The dividing line between the years seems so much smaller right now, because like...we have fixed so little of the fundamental problems that made 2020 bad. But the shift always does mean hope, and that's a good thing. Maybe tomorrow I'll think of longer term goals and wishes for the future and a summary of what I'm trying to work on in my life, but right now I'm happy to just go wash the fun makeup off and smile about still being able to see people I love, from tens and thousands of miles apart.

Often on New Years, I give kisses to the people around me --very few on the lips these days² but lots on the cheek. If that's a thing that would feel nice to you, you may assume I've given you one. It's a wish for the future! For a better future than right here.

Do what you can to make the future better, okay? I love you and hope you're well.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: This statement is a lot more complicated than it sounds right now, unfortunately.

2: I am positive for HSV-1, which is the oral herpes that 60-90% of the adult population of the US tests positive for. I try to be cautious with this.

Okay so here's the thing.

Since last _September_ I have been without a computer of my own. Mine broke, and I've just...been getting by with the work computer and my phone. This has been fine, but I'm growing increasingly tired of the limitations on work computer.

Translation: I tried to download steam so I can play some isolation video games, and was not capable of doing so because I am not admin on this machine.

SO I NEED A NEW LAPTOP COMPUTER! This is your thread to give me some advice and thoughts. Have at! If you read the notes below you will get some ideas about what I am looking for more specifically. Also there are swearwords because my boss is not on my Facebook.

Notes:

*Current machine is running Windows 10 pro. Previous machine was running Mac OS 10.9. I am confident in my ability to figure out how to use any mac or windows machine. I am not interested in learning how to linux, but I might be willing to hear your pitch, especially if it starts with "so this particular distro works a lot like the things you've used before".

*I definitely want a computer and not a tablet. I need a keyoard, but more importantly, I need to be able to download and run _programs_. Not apps. I am not an app based individual, I am Too Old for that. That being said, I'm not going to say no to a hybrid just because it's a hybrid, as long as it has a computer-like os and not an app-like os. I am not interested in a chromebook under any circumstances.

*Relatedly, I hate tap-click on trackpads and disable it ASAP every time I get access to a new computer. I use multi-finger gestures sometimes, but in general, assume I want to do just about everything via a) keyoard control and b) trackpad that I will actually click and not weird tapclick.

*Look, the most recent mac laptops come with two USB-c ports, one of which has to be used for charging and I CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW MUCH BULLSHIT THAT IS. I would like actual ports. Please recommend me a computer that I can plug my USB shit into without a million extra hubs and adapters necessary. Yeah, this seems likely to mean next computer is "not a mac" despite having been running mac for my personal use for the twelve years before that, and I'm bummed but also apple is making shitty decisions about what I need and I don't have to put up with that.

*Relatedly, a headphone jack is non-negotiable, jebus I hope I don't have to say that.

*I _desperately_ miss the "spaces" feature of my mac laptop, which was SO GOOD for letting my ADHD ass-brain sort things out and separate them and have different spots for like work vs dance vs fun vs read later. I miss it _so much_ and you will get ten bonus points for recommending me something that lets me use Something Like That instead of cramming my taskbar with different windows that are a pain in the ass to flip through.

*I also desperately miss the versatility and reprogramability of my mac for changing keyoard shortcuts to be Whatever I Wanted. I think this is something I could do on the work computer if I had admin powers, but I'm not positive.

*Things I want to be able to do: Play video games (especially super dumb old games like a port of Gahan Wilson's Haunted House if I can find one, or Heroes of Might and Magic 3, which *might* be available on Steam), save like a hundred gigs of music, store a few hundred gigs of photos, write like a fiend. Other than the video games, mostly I am not planning to run particularly intensive stuff. I mean, also like the modern trend for zoom and stuff, but whatever. Honestly, I want a device I can store stuff on and play music from.

*The closer that I get to a computer that can survive being used as the ball in a game of calvinball, the happier I will be. Assume that I will drop it off my bed at least once a month, at minimum. (This is way more often than reality, but I'd like to cover my bases).

*I haven't gotten a new computer in about seven years. In an ideal world I would not buy another computer after this for close to seven years. My budget is, say, $1500, but I'm willing to go above that for things that are Very Good And Will Make Me Happy. It is plausible I can get a friends-and-family discount if I go apple which iirc is about 10% off. I have access to a costco membership and I know they do stuff on sale sometimes. I loathe Amaz*n and will not purchase through them until they start offering me *staggeringly* good deals. I have some degree of patience, but also, ADHD assbrain would really like to get this done since I haven't since September.

*Every new version of iTunes since 2005 has been increasingly ass, so like, I would also like a recommendation for a less sucky music storage and organization and playlists service. I am completely and utterly uninterested in cloud options, give me local storage and lots of it or give me death. Ditto for any useful way to manage thousands upon billions of photos and memes saved off the internet and shit like that.

*On a similar note, my iphone 6s is like...almost four years old and it hasn't started dying big time...yet. I should probably also get a new phone. I've only ever used iphones, but I am open to persuasion as to "what's good about smartphones these days". Pokemon go is a must.

As a last note, I hate change and I am going to be very sad in my replies to you. I promise I will do my best to keep my whining to a minimum, but this is a Big Expensive Change that is important for me to do but still ughhhhh. Please ask me questions and engage anyways, I have no idea what the current state of computer buying tech is like these days!

~Sor
MOOP!

After my candidate exam, and after I got the results, and after everything else that was going on that week I sat and I processed and I wrote some words in my BehindTheWalls file. I wrote a longer entry there than any other I've written in this particular manifestation, and I feel it's an interesting turning point for my life as a whole. Absolutely not, you can't ask to know more.

Here is a line from the middle of it:

I was not fake. I was there. I was present. I was…what is the opposite of dissociating?

I'm pretty sure now the answer, for me, is dancing. Music: loud, howl along to a voice more powerful than my own, move body, move self, dance. If I am able to dance, and to sing, and to listen, and to pray, and to cast then I am more fully existent than I am at any other moment. Nothing else I do can make the spell-prickles run along my skin and the dark place that is my Self open and bear witness to the universe.

Reference, please, this entry about being a Demigoddex of Dance.

The corollary is that you have never seen me fully present unless you've seen me dance for myself. Despite my Truth that I will dance in subway cars and on rain-soaked streets, I am often more reluctant to do so before friends. Perhaps they will think me odd and it tucks the thing away.

(Perhaps they will think I am seeking attention. I am not performing for them, I am not performing at all. If I am dancing like the opposite-of-dissociating, it's entirely a selfish act.)

Anyways, tonight's playlist, howled along to and moved where permissible while riding my bicycle home on city streets:

Cheshire Kitten, s00j (Still sobbing, not-quite-back from someElsewhere of pain)
Alligator in the House, s00j (And ah, and yes, and this is the correct thing to do and of course I will move as I remount the bicycle it is a tango after all)
Go Away Godboy, s00j (Hail SJ, full of grace)
Glashtyn Shanty, s00j
Cheshire Kitten, again
Never Look Away, Vienna (I want to witness the beauty of your repair)
The Tower, Vienna
Level Up, Vienna (The last lines whispered with a wry grin outside 19 Banks street)
Go Away Godboy, again
Don't Stop Believing, Journey (Starting as I park the bicycle, and finished with me lying back on my own safe little bed)

If you don't think I'm a terrifyingly powerful beast, it's because you've never actually Seen me.

~Sor
MOOP!

Brain ebbs and brain flows. Right now, I'm in a good space. More worrisome, I'm on day two or three of a good space, which means my entire life is going to come crashing down like day after tomorrow.

On the plus side I got put on another therapist's waiting list, and I have an appointment on Monday for potential intake/placement. Whee! And I have most of the next two weeks essentially off, which means I'm gonna have fuckall ability to get shit done, of course, because no routine.

Sometimes I can't tell whether I'm being depressed or realistic and it's annoying as hell.

Anywho, a quick todo list for the next few days:
TMC minutes, Pinewoods costuming and packing, apply for all the jobs, maybe work some? Work on my room for suresies. I should probably make some Active Effort on getting my place into some semblance of livable --I'd like to have access to a desk again (especially because then I could reinstate the rule where I'm not allowed to use the lappy in bed which might be good.)

What else...

Last night's dance was _really good_. It was solely dances from books 1-3, which means among other things we got to do the SCD version of the Virginia Reel. (People get annoyed by this sort of thing, which means I go up to both the teacher and the teacher-coordinator and explicitly anti-complain about having weird historical stuff to try).

There were some other really (physically) hard dances too, and the whole thing ended off with Mari's Wedding. This is great, except that my legs hurt and I have a billion hours of squares and rounds today and then highland tomorrow. I look forward to continuing to torment my body (I should do my pushups).

I have made a new friend! It's a new internet friend, which is the _best kind_. His name is Quads (well okay, technically it's something about quadrilaterals, but I started calling him Quads and then he changed his nick to match so I'm going with it) and he's into musical theatre and used to dance. I met him through the most recent incarnation of The Pie Shop, which let me tell you it is so important to my brain to have access to an IRC-like, apparently. Not enough for me to actually get into IRC (because honestly, at least half of the desire is a place to chill with mek), but having a general chatroom to harass people and the like is great.

I should really get into Slack, shouldn't I?

I've also _finally_ put together my Dreamwidth friends list, so I can actually come read over here. This is a good thing! This means I'ma read LONG FORM BLOGGING! And then maybe someday I will comment on LONG FORM BLOGGING and even get more people to do it, damnit.

Dunno. Not too much else to say, but glad to be saying things. This has been a bad year for writing AND LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN DEPRESSION GETTING WORSE AND NOT WRITING NOPE.

Hearts and stuff.

~Sor
MOOP!

ALRIGHT IT'S 2017!

So, I have this file on my computer from a year ago entitled "REVOLUSTRAVAGANZA". Somehow I am only just now realizing that "rev" is not the start of "resolution" but that's to be understood, since I haven't updated the list since like...apparently April. Huh.

In my defense, I spent a lot more of 2016 in a semi-Depressive state than most of the years prior, prompted in no small part by the minor traumas of losing a job I loved¹, dealing with a serious asshole landlord², and The Election. Usually I just get the drain bamage in the winter, spending much of April-June wanting to sob to pieces in my office was an unwelcome addition.

But separate from that, let's check in and see how I did on things. You can read the original post here.

1) Writing: Ehhhhhnnnnnhhh. I did a significantly spottier job of using 750w in 2016 than in 2015. This is gonna be a common trend by the way, 2015 was an objectively better year all around. I'll see about getting back into the swing of things this year.

2) Making LJ posts or whatever: I certainly haven't been hitting 15 a month, but I've been doing a fair clip, which is great. Apparently in October I posted on over half the days, which is kinda amazing. I'll keep trying to focus energies, I (as always) miss it over here.

3) Backing up the computer: I have been...okay? at this. Currently I'm like 60 days out, which is not so good. I will continue to try and hit once a month.

4) Cull my closet: This did not so much happen. I am not so much good at this.

5) Track bicycle milage: I did an awesome job of this until May, at which point I...got distracted and stopped syncing Eddie³ with Kela⁴, and also stopped using Eddie for a long while. That being said, I managed 1141.84 miles on the bike from January to May, which is a goodly amount, damnit!

((I miss my stupid eight mile commute along the river with the sunrise behind me. Damn but that was good zen-time.))

6) Frivolous bike journey: I did not actually manage. Maybe next year? It's not super a priority.

7) We don't talk about number seven. Being an adult is hard, and I spent a lot of the year in lack-of-meds trauma, which is my excuse for why we don't talk of number seven.

8) Have a job better than substituting for this school year: Well, uh. Huh. Okay, so nannying is objectively better than substituting (it's more consistent, less stressful, and pays better. No benefits, but then, I don't have benefits as a sub either). It's also not what I want to be doing with myself in the long term. Maybe 2017 should be the year where I get serious about finding a *career* again.

9) Five multiday non-dance events: Arisia, Balticon, Gencon, NYFF and.......Marc's Wedding? I don't think that counts. I traveled a lot, but most of it wasn't *events*, per se.

10) Five multiday dance events: Pinewoods x3, NEFFA, and I completely failed to do anything this fall.

11) Do well at current job: Well, they fired me. Like, less than a month after I made this resolution, there began to be Big Conversations and all of January and February was fucking nightmare awful, but I genuinely thought I was doing the work I needed and getting better and it didn't matter. Come the April contract negotiations, I was informed that I would not be invited back.

(My boss was gracious enough to do it at a free period at the end of the day, which means when I went down to my office and sobbed, I didn't have to worry about getting my face back together for students.)

But I think I did a pretty fucking good job of it up until that ending point. The best I could, at least.

12) Give more presents: Ehhh, a little bit? I got weirdly excited and overboard this Christmas with my family (which I like and feel good about, and since I get many things secondhand or discount, I don't feel like I spent too much money or anything), and I feel like I've done a couple good things throughout the year, but not much.

13) Give more presence: I continue to not do well at this, but I've at least been trying? I need to leave way more DW/LJ comments than I actually do, don't I?

14) Less computer time: Weirdly yes? And also very no? It's complicated. When I have other things to do or people to interact with, I'm a lot better at being present and not on the electronicx. When I'm just living my day-to-day life, it's harder. The introduction of pokemon weirded this a lot --I am more likely to have my phone out in public, but also more likely to not be doing anything that takes my attention.

I am probably not allowed to play Skyrim in 2017 either, but I'll re-check this position sometime around June. (Yes, I'm jonesing. Yes, I know there are other similarly good big sandboxy games, but I can't play any of them *either*, not until I can handle myself better.)

15) Emails: I currently have 9851 emails in my inboxen (667 unread). This is not great, but is better than the "well over 10k" I had this time last year. I'll keep poking at it.

16) Wedding planning: Oh gods, I haven't done any of this, and I need to start. Like serously start, since I'll be 28 in eight months. *whimper*

17) Spend time on west coast: With the corollary of "with my boyfriends". This mostly didn't happen. I did visit mek in April, which was excellent, but I didn't actually manage to visit Sparr at all, and things with K˚ are...complicated right now. My resolutions for this year are gonna include "repair some of my relationships and be a better partner".

18) Highland: Nnnnnn? I've been going more often, sure. I competed again (and I'm getting better --previous comp I was solidly 4/4, this one I was solidly 5/7). I'm now up to having *eight* dances clattering around in my head and getting confused with each other. I really want to find the time to film myself doing the best I can at each of them, so I have something to compare with in n months.

As I've mentioned a couple times here, I have no idea why I do Highland. I should unpack that sometime.

19) Craft more stuff: Unfortunately no. I've started drawing again, which is good, but I have really not been doing much in the creation department otherwise. Need to work on that.

(I did sew a tiny Sporran beltpouch at the NH Highland Games --oh hey, that's a multiday dance event!-- this year, because they didn't mind a grownass adult crashing the kids space. It's cute! I made a (very bad) buttonhole!)

So that's that review. It's good to check in with my goals sometimes. Maybe I will make more goals for 2017, and maybe I will actually do a better job of them this year.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: The narrative I have been using (because it hurts less) is that they were looking for a different classroom management style. This is true, but I don't like admitting how much I would've been willing to bend myself to theirs, despite the fact that I am not remotely authoritarian and that seems to be more of what they wanted.

2: Do you wanna know what I love most about my living situation right now? FUCKING EVERYTHING (except going from free in-unit laundry to coin in the basement). I love my new roommates, I love my new house, I love my new landlord, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my non-oil heat. It's a really good thing in a sea of not-so-great.

3: My shipboard computer! (Making the first electronic I've given a dude-name to in ages)

4: Keladry Selbstzucht --my darling laptop, named for the Lady Knight of Mindelan and the German word for self-discipline.

Oof. Have not updated my Resolustravaganza in at least two months. Let's check in!

1) Write every day: Check. Check check check motherfuckin' check plus. I haven't missed a day since January 23rd. Wooooo!

2) 15 LJ posts a month: Ehhhh. I was doing okay at this, and then I just pretty much stopped updating. Because...I have no good reason for this. Anyways, 12 for February (yay!) and 4 for March (ugh). Try more in April, yes?

3) Back up computer more: I missed the February backup, but I did back her up just before going to MD. So, you know, this is working kinda.

4) Cull clothing: So close! I was gonna go to a clothing swap on Friday, but then it was postponed. So maybe this week I'll go? And maybe I'll even run through my dresses and stuff before I do?

Also, I am planning to move in probably June, which means I'm doing a lot of thought about how I own ALL THE STUFF and I don't wanna move all the stuff. I should make a proper post about this.

5) Track bicycle milage: Okay! I am updating the thing right now, here is the data!
January:
February:
March:

6) Long bike journey: Still haven't worked on planning this, still think that's totally okay as it's not summer yet. Although as far as summer plans go, it sounds like I'm probably gonna go to Acadia this summer, and that's pretty rad.

7) Fuck you too.

8) Have a better-than-substituting job for the 2016/17 school year: HAHAHHAHAHHAHhohgods, so this is the week I need to send the "what are your plans for next year?" email to my boss, and in a couple weeks we'll have the contract renegotiation and that might be the point when they say "you're awesome, stick around!" and that might be the point when they say "yeah, fuck off, we want a better teacher" and OH GODS.

But it's okay. Even if I don't keep working at currentjob, I will be able to get references and show off lesson plans and I'll get hired somewhere else please please please?

9) 5 multi-day geek events: Still sitting at just Arisia. Need to buy the stuff to do Marcon (plane tickets, membership, hotel room). Very likely doing GenCon, counter to what I said last time. Woo!

10) 5 multi-day dance events: I am confirmed for NEFFA, and three sessions of Pinewoods. What else should I go to? (I missed Easthill like a RIGHT TIT, but maybe YDW is an option?)

11) Do well in current job: Hahahhaha I mean, I really have been stepping it up, and trying to put in good work, and I mostly feel really good about it, but I also have to really seriously sit down with myself every time I get criticised and be all "this is growth opportunity, not a problem".

12) Give more presents: I gave my aunt some awesome trim I found at the cruft swap, and a little BadtzMaru book! I have an Arisia bookmark for mom that has HER NAME ON IT!!!! And I have birthday presents for both mek (this is accidental and I have no idea where I got it, but it's in my "stuff to give people" box and definitely for him) and my sir.

13) Give more presence: Nope. Sorry. :/

14) Less screen time: Sigh. I am trying to get back in the habit of having NO SCREENS for an hour after I get home from work. It's...mixed success. I've only been at it for like half a week so far.

15) Emails: Oof. Currently I have 11,896 emails in the box, with 3,372 unread. YEAH. I AM BAD AT THIS. (most of them are like...random kickstarter updates and survey opportunities and not actual emails, but still.)

16) Wedding planning: Has not been happening, oops.

17) Spend a month on the West Coast: I have bought tickets for goin' to California and seeing mek over Spring Break, yay! That's like in two weeks, holyshit.

I've been kinda morose and weird about some of my relationship things recently, so I'm not sure I'm actually gonna spend a billion years on the west coast this summer like I did last time. I kinda want to have some summer time around Boston? I miss getting to hang with my Boston peeps who I don't see ever because I'm working or commuting for 13 hours out of every day. We'll see how I feel closer to June.

18) Highland x3 a month: I am doing...better? But I think I only made it once in February. Three times in March though! (Maybe four, I think March had enough days for that.

19) Craft stuff: Sadface. I dunno how to inspire this one better.

So that's, you know. Coming along.

~Sor
MOOP!