huh. feeling deep tonight.
Apr. 13th, 2004 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressI wish I could do more...I wish I was an adult.
Sometimes I feel utterly powerless in the world. These aren't the times when I have no trust in myself, feel like I'm worth less then dog crap, but the times when I look at how big the world is, and how small I am.
I was just reading a post by a friend of mine who's dad is littereally a bully. Other people had managed to post comments with advice, which is what I want to do, but I have none. I don't know what you should do if you're being bullied, bordering on abuse by your father! I wish I did. But I don't know that sort of thing.
All I could leave was a hug. Which I did. I do that a lot. I really do wish I could leave more, but I don't have the ability. Part of that, I belive, is due to the fact that I am only 14, and have very little life expirience. I've lived a sheltered life. Not so sheltered that I don't know about the horrors out there, but sheltered enough that I've never had to deal with them. But it's starting to get to the point where I have to. I have to do more. And don't look at me funny and go "you don't HAVE to do anything", it's not true. These people are my friends, and something inside me really has to be able to leave more then hugs.
I want to have the ability to leave advice, good ideas, helpful hints, anything that would actually help a person. Sure, hugs are good, they let people know you care, but they don't really do anything in the long run. They can, make a bad day good, or a good day better, but they won't help you with your problems.
High school is a new place. A place where I do have to deal with people seeking advice. And I really do want to give it to them. I feel I need to. But I can't. I don't know what to say, don't know what to do. Usually I just wind up hugging the person and wishing them luck. Sometimes I wind up as a sholder to cry on. And I don't mind that. I like it a lot really. But theres the part of me that strives to be better, strives to be...almost perfect. And she says that I SHOULD be able to give good advice. The problem is, I can't.
Maybe some of that is just that I'm too insecure of myself. It's true that if you don't belive you can do something you won't be able to. But what can you say if someone tells you that lately they seriously think that they're going to put a gun to someones head, either theirselves or someone elses. You can hug them and tell them to go get counseling, and tell them it will all be better in the end. But will it really? Life is not a fairy tale. We don't all have our Happily Ever Afters. And it's not a movie either. We don't all wind up with the guy/girl of our dreams, in a perfect world where we never have to pay taxes, sleep, or use the restroom. It would be nice if that happened, but it doesn't.
War happens. Drugs happen. Sex happens. Abuse happens. Rape. Alcohol. Accidents. Drunk Driving. Sports, Drama, Honor Roll, Homecoming Court, Dances, Dates, Boy/Girl friends, love, lust...Dear God! It's a wonder we don't all go flipping insane!! And yet, with all the pressures on us teenagers, everyone wants good advice that they know they can trust and follow no matter what. And I want to be able to provide that advice, but I can't. And thats what really hurts. When you look deep down inside, thats what really causes the sadness. That awful, awful feeling of hopelessness. The feeling that theres nothing you can do.
And there really isn't. I can't do anything about it. I'm 14. I'm not going to suddenly gain the wisdom and knowladge of the adults I like and admire...Mom, Janny, Dottles, Mrs Blue, Mrs Seacrest even. They all know what to do, what to say. I don't.
Sometimes, being a kid sucks.
In other news, I leave for Disneyworld tomorrow. I will be gone until Sunday.
~Sorceress
MOOP!
Original Tags: advice, tagged, growing up, thoughtstream
Sometimes I feel utterly powerless in the world. These aren't the times when I have no trust in myself, feel like I'm worth less then dog crap, but the times when I look at how big the world is, and how small I am.
I was just reading a post by a friend of mine who's dad is littereally a bully. Other people had managed to post comments with advice, which is what I want to do, but I have none. I don't know what you should do if you're being bullied, bordering on abuse by your father! I wish I did. But I don't know that sort of thing.
All I could leave was a hug. Which I did. I do that a lot. I really do wish I could leave more, but I don't have the ability. Part of that, I belive, is due to the fact that I am only 14, and have very little life expirience. I've lived a sheltered life. Not so sheltered that I don't know about the horrors out there, but sheltered enough that I've never had to deal with them. But it's starting to get to the point where I have to. I have to do more. And don't look at me funny and go "you don't HAVE to do anything", it's not true. These people are my friends, and something inside me really has to be able to leave more then hugs.
I want to have the ability to leave advice, good ideas, helpful hints, anything that would actually help a person. Sure, hugs are good, they let people know you care, but they don't really do anything in the long run. They can, make a bad day good, or a good day better, but they won't help you with your problems.
High school is a new place. A place where I do have to deal with people seeking advice. And I really do want to give it to them. I feel I need to. But I can't. I don't know what to say, don't know what to do. Usually I just wind up hugging the person and wishing them luck. Sometimes I wind up as a sholder to cry on. And I don't mind that. I like it a lot really. But theres the part of me that strives to be better, strives to be...almost perfect. And she says that I SHOULD be able to give good advice. The problem is, I can't.
Maybe some of that is just that I'm too insecure of myself. It's true that if you don't belive you can do something you won't be able to. But what can you say if someone tells you that lately they seriously think that they're going to put a gun to someones head, either theirselves or someone elses. You can hug them and tell them to go get counseling, and tell them it will all be better in the end. But will it really? Life is not a fairy tale. We don't all have our Happily Ever Afters. And it's not a movie either. We don't all wind up with the guy/girl of our dreams, in a perfect world where we never have to pay taxes, sleep, or use the restroom. It would be nice if that happened, but it doesn't.
War happens. Drugs happen. Sex happens. Abuse happens. Rape. Alcohol. Accidents. Drunk Driving. Sports, Drama, Honor Roll, Homecoming Court, Dances, Dates, Boy/Girl friends, love, lust...Dear God! It's a wonder we don't all go flipping insane!! And yet, with all the pressures on us teenagers, everyone wants good advice that they know they can trust and follow no matter what. And I want to be able to provide that advice, but I can't. And thats what really hurts. When you look deep down inside, thats what really causes the sadness. That awful, awful feeling of hopelessness. The feeling that theres nothing you can do.
And there really isn't. I can't do anything about it. I'm 14. I'm not going to suddenly gain the wisdom and knowladge of the adults I like and admire...Mom, Janny, Dottles, Mrs Blue, Mrs Seacrest even. They all know what to do, what to say. I don't.
Sometimes, being a kid sucks.
In other news, I leave for Disneyworld tomorrow. I will be gone until Sunday.
~Sorceress
MOOP!
Original Tags: advice, tagged, growing up, thoughtstream
