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Trigger warning: Sexual assault/abuse
For a long time now -since ninth grade at least, meaning before I was actually abused- I have had a reoccurring dream theme of being molested. Not often, only once every eight or fourteen months. Someone I know (someone I'm friends with) sexually assaults me, and I'm unable to get away.
I wake up from these dreams feeling awful: trapped and scared, powerless, damaged. It's never the exact same situation or the same person, but almost always someone I know well enough to like and trust. It is horrifying on an entirely different level to dream of someone you like fracturing your trust so severely.
It's been a while since I had one of these dreams, but I had one last night (about someone at the dance weekend I was at, to make it all worse). In the dream, they took liberties with me, pawing at my body, roughly groping my ass and breasts. They were taking advantage of being bigger than my dream self to keep me helpless.
And in the dream, I managed to escape to somewhere public, and was actively accusing them to those around us. I was making plans as to how I could arrange my life to never see them again, to never be alone with them again. I was preparing to speak to the authorities. And I _knew_ it was in no way my fault.
It's the first time I've ever woken up from a molestation dream with a sense of empowerment lingering at the back of my mind, rather than sleeze.
I can only pray that future iterations of this dream go the same way. It's a twist ending I can live with.
~Sor
MOOP!
TW: Sexual assault/abuse
For a long time now -since ninth grade at least, meaning before I was actually abused- I have had a reoccurring dream theme of being molested. Not often, only once every eight or fourteen months. Someone I know (someone I'm friends with) sexually assaults me, and I'm unable to get away.
I wake up from these dreams feeling awful: trapped and scared, powerless, damaged. It's never the exact same situation or the same person, but almost always someone I know well enough to like and trust. It is horrifying on an entirely different level to dream of someone you like fracturing your trust so severely.
It's been a while since I had one of these dreams, but I had one last night (about someone at the dance weekend I was at, to make it all worse). In the dream, they took liberties with me, pawing at my body, roughly groping my ass and breasts. They were taking advantage of being bigger than my dream self to keep me helpless.
And in the dream, I managed to escape to somewhere public, and was actively accusing them to those around us. I was making plans as to how I could arrange my life to never see them again, to never be alone with them again. I was preparing to speak to the authorities. And I _knew_ it was in no way my fault.
It's the first time I've ever woken up from a molestation dream with a sense of empowerment lingering at the back of my mind, rather than sleeze.
I can only pray that future iterations of this dream go the same way. It's a twist ending I can live with.
~Sor
MOOP!
TW: Sexual assault/abuse
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Occasionally, it is no-person-in-particular characters in fantasy worlds I've been occupied by recently; these dreams are objectively much worse in terms of actual events, as if to make up for the lack of familiarity/betrayal that the other kind has. Generally, though, my dreams are likewise people I know, especially if I've gone on a date or two with them, or kissed them. The first time I had a familiar person dream, I couldn't get over it. I handled the whole thing really immaturely, actually, and sincerely regret not being straightforward with the person in question. I certainly couldn't date him, and one of my big wishes is that I could go back in time and manage everything carefully and with more consideration so I didn't mess up our friendship too.
When I had the dream at the start of my current romantic relationship, I left. In the dream, I confronted, I stormed out, I ended things. I was more assertive than I'd ever managed to be awake, and while my skin still crawled thinking about it, I woke up feeling strong too.
I won't say it's the last of the dreams I've had, because I'm sure there were others, but they're fuzzy. They didn't have the same power over me. I am so glad that you woke up feeling empowered and strong. If you are going to have more dreams of that sort, I hope they leave you with the same sense of power this one did.
*great big hugs, if you'd like them*
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In the meantime I hope that the twist ending keeps showing up.
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