How about comments that say, "Jinkies, i am right there with you on that whole "wish i wasn't so borken" thing?" 'Cause yar, hardly a week goes by without that one tripping out my mouth at W. Usually right after i've been a total asshole to her.
And this bit? ...to being this scared little eleven year old girl who kinda wonders what it's like to not have to exist any longer... and I feel small and lost and scared, and the world is demanding I be capable. Ahyup, totally there and there. i certainly won't go into detail1 but this whole year has sucked for the most part and had gotten particularly worse again in October (for a number of reasons, but specifically one Big One) and the feeling the world wants me to be something that i am utterly incapable of being and Letting People Down (podlings especially) and failing on so many levels... those are a daily thing in my head.
And man, i'm afraid if i tried to make a list like that, it would not serve the purpose of giving me something tangible to look at and say "geez, that's a total NegVox Lie" at but a thing to see as an underscoring of all my faults. i'm really glad that that is not the case for you.
i promise to not huggle, as unnatural that is to me because even though i do not understand (well, in a way i do, but it rather goes against every fiber of my being.. my kneejerk is always to huggle... not necessarily because i think it'll help but because it's how i show i care. And dear dear Sor, i DO so very much.), i can & do respect your wish for me not to. Just so long as you understand that i love you so very much and i am crying as i am writing this 'cause i do love you and if i could just wave a hand3 and make you better i totally would 'cause you are such an awesome person and i would be so very utterly crushed if you weren't in my life anymore. Just so's you know.
1: 'Cause ye gods, it'll just add to your burdens and expectations of being Capable vis a vis helping the stupid ferret feel better2
2: Though, i will point out here that YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THIS. You were there for me several times this year and turned me around and made me feel like a worthwhile person right when i needed it most, so tell that to your lies, hmf
3: Or cutting off said hand or jumping off a building or Hell's Bells making a phone call. i'd make a phone call to make you better. i totally would.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2010-11-17 10:25 am (UTC)And this bit? ...to being this scared little eleven year old girl who kinda wonders what it's like to not have to exist any longer... and I feel small and lost and scared, and the world is demanding I be capable. Ahyup, totally there and there. i certainly won't go into detail1 but this whole year has sucked for the most part and had gotten particularly worse again in October (for a number of reasons, but specifically one Big One) and the feeling the world wants me to be something that i am utterly incapable of being and Letting People Down (podlings especially) and failing on so many levels... those are a daily thing in my head.
And man, i'm afraid if i tried to make a list like that, it would not serve the purpose of giving me something tangible to look at and say "geez, that's a total NegVox Lie" at but a thing to see as an underscoring of all my faults. i'm really glad that that is not the case for you.
i promise to not huggle, as unnatural that is to me because even though i do not understand (well, in a way i do, but it rather goes against every fiber of my being.. my kneejerk is always to huggle... not necessarily because i think it'll help but because it's how i show i care. And dear dear Sor, i DO so very much.), i can & do respect your wish for me not to. Just so long as you understand that i love you so very much and i am crying as i am writing this 'cause i do love you and if i could just wave a hand3 and make you better i totally would 'cause you are such an awesome person and i would be so very utterly crushed if you weren't in my life anymore. Just so's you know.
1: 'Cause ye gods, it'll just add to your burdens and expectations of being Capable vis a vis helping the stupid ferret feel better2
2: Though, i will point out here that YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THIS. You were there for me several times this year and turned me around and made me feel like a worthwhile person right when i needed it most, so tell that to your lies, hmf
3: Or cutting off said hand or jumping off a building or Hell's Bells making a phone call. i'd make a phone call to make you better. i totally would.