MOOP!

Heyo it’s pride month! Happy Pride, if that is something you celebrate in your particular version of yourself.

I’d love to hear what gender/romantic/sexuality identity words you are currently using, regardless of whether you think I know them or not (and regardless of whether or not you feel they qualify under the pride umbrella! I’m interested in knowing if you’re cis and allo and het too!). Drop a comment!

Here are mine:

I was really really really fascinated when I did the Gender Census and actively did not select nonbinary, because that is the word I use most often or maybe it’s just the word I use most often in front of [presumed] cishet people. But my gender is really “agender” or “genderneutral” or “genderqueer” or just “queer”. It’s not _exactly_ that I don’t have a gender, it’s more that my gender is a series of play and performance and not a singular identity? I’m not sure on that, I’m going to keep poking at that one (especially because despite the sound of it, I don’t usually use the term “genderfluid”.) Anyways, my pronoun is “they”¹ and my title is “mx” and both of those make me so fucking happy every time I hear someone using them.

Romantically, I am “queer” first and foremost, but I also use bisexual pretty often and gay occasionally. Historically I have been attracted to and dated men (to the point where I sometimes joke I am the worlds worst lesbian –I have kissed a substantial number of FAAB people who later do not identify as female) but in more recent years it’s been pretty clear that I am attracted to queerness, whatever that means. I date very few people who are both cis and het (and indeed, my own gender means people who seriously date me cannot be irrevocably straight.)

Romantically I am polyamorous, and aim to not be the nesting/primary partner for any of my partners. I have been known to say both “my primary partner is work” and “my primary partner is dance” and I stand by at least the latter of those. I am in five serious relationships and have a small handful of comets or flirtations, some of which seem never to go anywhere. I keep a list of everyone I’ve ever kissed/fucked/dated and sometimes put future speculation on there because I am a horrible gremlin but also at this point I am interested to find out if I have enough historical data to actually make longterm predictions.

Sexually, I am slutty. Bodies are so _so_ attractive to me, and I wind up Noticing Respectfully people just about everywhere I go, because dang, have you seen people? People are so hot. Like...so many people are so hot. I have a lot more experience and confidence with penis-based-anatomy than with vulva-based anatomy. I don’t receive PiV intercourse, and I don’t believe in orgasms as the point of sex, which means my sex sometimes looks very different from what people might think. I am kinky and like tying just about anyone up, sexually or not. I’m wired a little funny vis-a-vis pain and pleasure and what makes me happy to receive. I’m the biggest voyeur in the entire universe and absolutely want to hear about your sex life, especially if it ~looks weird~ so I can reassure you that no that’s awesome and I’m glad you have weird things that make you happy.

Fundamentally, I am Queer, in the sense of “the only truly universal queer experience is doubting you’re queer enough”. There is room under my umbrella for you, and you are welcome here with me. Community is good and there is no such thing as a “good queer” to the people who hate us, so why not just be magnificently ourselves instead?

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I have secret pronouns as well, a set of neopronouns that I am rolling around in the back of my brain to see if they ever actually amount to something good. You probably don’t know me well enough to get me to tell you what they are, especially because I haven’t quite worked out all the grammar yet. To be clear though, they are a joke, and that’s an important part of them, that they are something playful, because I could say “my gender is play” and be hardly shitposting at all.

Okay so here's the thing.

Since last _September_ I have been without a computer of my own. Mine broke, and I've just...been getting by with the work computer and my phone. This has been fine, but I'm growing increasingly tired of the limitations on work computer.

Translation: I tried to download steam so I can play some isolation video games, and was not capable of doing so because I am not admin on this machine.

SO I NEED A NEW LAPTOP COMPUTER! This is your thread to give me some advice and thoughts. Have at! If you read the notes below you will get some ideas about what I am looking for more specifically. Also there are swearwords because my boss is not on my Facebook.

Notes:

*Current machine is running Windows 10 pro. Previous machine was running Mac OS 10.9. I am confident in my ability to figure out how to use any mac or windows machine. I am not interested in learning how to linux, but I might be willing to hear your pitch, especially if it starts with "so this particular distro works a lot like the things you've used before".

*I definitely want a computer and not a tablet. I need a keyoard, but more importantly, I need to be able to download and run _programs_. Not apps. I am not an app based individual, I am Too Old for that. That being said, I'm not going to say no to a hybrid just because it's a hybrid, as long as it has a computer-like os and not an app-like os. I am not interested in a chromebook under any circumstances.

*Relatedly, I hate tap-click on trackpads and disable it ASAP every time I get access to a new computer. I use multi-finger gestures sometimes, but in general, assume I want to do just about everything via a) keyoard control and b) trackpad that I will actually click and not weird tapclick.

*Look, the most recent mac laptops come with two USB-c ports, one of which has to be used for charging and I CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW MUCH BULLSHIT THAT IS. I would like actual ports. Please recommend me a computer that I can plug my USB shit into without a million extra hubs and adapters necessary. Yeah, this seems likely to mean next computer is "not a mac" despite having been running mac for my personal use for the twelve years before that, and I'm bummed but also apple is making shitty decisions about what I need and I don't have to put up with that.

*Relatedly, a headphone jack is non-negotiable, jebus I hope I don't have to say that.

*I _desperately_ miss the "spaces" feature of my mac laptop, which was SO GOOD for letting my ADHD ass-brain sort things out and separate them and have different spots for like work vs dance vs fun vs read later. I miss it _so much_ and you will get ten bonus points for recommending me something that lets me use Something Like That instead of cramming my taskbar with different windows that are a pain in the ass to flip through.

*I also desperately miss the versatility and reprogramability of my mac for changing keyoard shortcuts to be Whatever I Wanted. I think this is something I could do on the work computer if I had admin powers, but I'm not positive.

*Things I want to be able to do: Play video games (especially super dumb old games like a port of Gahan Wilson's Haunted House if I can find one, or Heroes of Might and Magic 3, which *might* be available on Steam), save like a hundred gigs of music, store a few hundred gigs of photos, write like a fiend. Other than the video games, mostly I am not planning to run particularly intensive stuff. I mean, also like the modern trend for zoom and stuff, but whatever. Honestly, I want a device I can store stuff on and play music from.

*The closer that I get to a computer that can survive being used as the ball in a game of calvinball, the happier I will be. Assume that I will drop it off my bed at least once a month, at minimum. (This is way more often than reality, but I'd like to cover my bases).

*I haven't gotten a new computer in about seven years. In an ideal world I would not buy another computer after this for close to seven years. My budget is, say, $1500, but I'm willing to go above that for things that are Very Good And Will Make Me Happy. It is plausible I can get a friends-and-family discount if I go apple which iirc is about 10% off. I have access to a costco membership and I know they do stuff on sale sometimes. I loathe Amaz*n and will not purchase through them until they start offering me *staggeringly* good deals. I have some degree of patience, but also, ADHD assbrain would really like to get this done since I haven't since September.

*Every new version of iTunes since 2005 has been increasingly ass, so like, I would also like a recommendation for a less sucky music storage and organization and playlists service. I am completely and utterly uninterested in cloud options, give me local storage and lots of it or give me death. Ditto for any useful way to manage thousands upon billions of photos and memes saved off the internet and shit like that.

*On a similar note, my iphone 6s is like...almost four years old and it hasn't started dying big time...yet. I should probably also get a new phone. I've only ever used iphones, but I am open to persuasion as to "what's good about smartphones these days". Pokemon go is a must.

As a last note, I hate change and I am going to be very sad in my replies to you. I promise I will do my best to keep my whining to a minimum, but this is a Big Expensive Change that is important for me to do but still ughhhhh. Please ask me questions and engage anyways, I have no idea what the current state of computer buying tech is like these days!

~Sor
MOOP!

Mad sociologist time¹! I want you to read the essay under this ( cut. It's about sex an' stuff so if that wigs you, go ahead and skip. )

Now for the part I'm really interested in. I have lots of friends, from lots of online places, and they come in a whole host of interesting sexualities. For the purposes of research, what gender did you assume the author to be? Do your opinions on that change if you read it again?

Theoretically, I'll post results in a couple weeks, except I think we've proven from my previous attempts at using the internet for SCIENCE that it will never actually happen. Have interesting discussion among yourselves instead.

(And if you find where I grabbed this from, no cheating and revealing the author. I'll let them do that later, if they feel comfortable.)

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Technically I want to be a mad psychologist. This is why I shouldn't ever have children, I will totally just use them to _test things_.

Oh, new question for everyone. This is totally stolen, without permission, from a friend of mine:

You are now in a massively over-the-top action movie. Bad Guys(tm) have swarmed your place of work. They are opposite-your-alignment, they are numerous, and you must defeat them in hand to hand combat! Lives are at stake --the *world* is at stake. Given two minutes lead time to prepare, how do you kick all the ass?

(Yes, this is at least partially to find out where you lot are working these days.)

~Sor
MOOP!

( This is the boring part of the post )

Well no more! I'm still a dumb college kid and I intend to take FULL ADVANTAGE of that fact! With that said, it's totally time for a BIG DRAMATIC FLOUNCY FLAMEWAR in my livejournal again!

We've discussed tunafish and peanut butter, but I don't think we've ever touched on the sensitive subject of grilled cheese. So.

What is the best way to make a grilled cheese sammich?

Do you butter both sides of the bread, or just one? Is American cheese verboten? Cheating to use a toaster oven instead of a frying pan? Remember, anyone who doesn't agree with you is probably a commie pinko leftist hippie scumbag who eats babies!

(Please differentiate in your comment if you're remarking on the behind-cut half of the post, and therefore do not want to join in on the sammich-flaming madness. Also, while name calling is a fundamental part of flouncy dramatic flamewars, please be sensible.)

~Sor
MOOP!

Alright guys. I'm bored. And as such, I have decided to research a thing.

The thing I'd like to research is a top eleven list¹ of the coolest Dr. Horrible fanworks out there. Because there are some really *staggeringly* creative things out there.

However, I haven't *really* been following this fandom with too much dedication, so I would love some help from all of you. If you could link me to the fanworks you find the coolest, that would be super-keen.

Much love,
Kat.

1: Because top ten lists are for cowards

A bunch of years ago, I had a summer where multiple people admitted to being into me, which was both awesome and more than a bit "what?" But the end result was that I made a comment-screened post on the subject, asking "why?!"

((Sometimes I am unabashed in my need for ego-boosting))

A couple weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend in which they mentioned "I have no idea what boys see in you"¹. Because I am the queen of insidiously low self-esteem, my response was the highly rational and very helpful "I don't know either."

It triggered thought though, and so I've spent spare brainwaves from the last few weeks trying to sort out just what it is exactly that makes me That Girl. It remains a very true observation that I am --people, especially boys, like me. I can't help this, nor do I particularly want to, really.

The callous and to my mind logical first thought of "they like me because I put out" is presumably untrue, since as far as I can tell, nothing about my public persona indicates that I do so for strangers, and it's not like I have sex particularly indiscriminately, or really, much at all. Everyone I've shared a bed with over the last four years was a friend first, which means that they liked me *before* we got naked. Furthermore, I have male friends who would probably be quite willing to get sexy with me, but we specifically haven't, and they still find me worth hanging out with. So, whatever it is, it's not the sex thing.

The theory that I've been working on that I feel has the most weight to it is closely related to an essay that was posted on Polyamorous Misanthrope, and brought to my attention by Gabity-Gabe. The essay is about a boy who is extremely well liked by women, and posits that the reason he is so well-liked is because he genuinely enjoys the company of and platonic interaction with women. He doesn't just talk to women in the hopes of pussy, but because of the actual person around it.

Pretty much my whole life, I have had close male friends, often more so than female ones. This is because I really quite like males. I could not tell you what particular quality that leads me to enjoy male company more than female, but there must be some reason that makes it easier for me to make friends with other boys² than with other girls². I really do honestly enjoy the company of males, even when I'm not expecting to sleep with them.

This idea is strengthened by a theory I've had for a good long time now --namely, that someone being attracted to you is a *deeply* attractive trait. So, using that, we get the idea that my enjoying the company of males is something that they enjoy, and makes them more likely to enjoy the company of me.

Going even deeper with the above thought, we reach the idea that I am, for whatever degree of intensity or intimacy, attracted to a noticeable percentage of humanity. I fall just a little bit in love every other time I get on the subway. While I have definite physical types I prefer, none of them matter in the presence of an honest smile. If you're reading these words, I am probably attracted to you, at least a little bit, because you are human and alive and I find that absolutely fascinating. Humanity is beautiful, and each individual uniquely so.³

I've got a few other ideas as to what it is my boys see in me as well (and I haven't even engaged in the highly scientific response of just asking them and seeing if there are any common patterns) but I think that the fact that I really like boys, for who they are, is a pretty good start.

And now I open it up to you guys. What is it that people see in That Person that makes them so bloody attractive? Why do certain people just attract everyone and manage to get all the dates?

And sure, let's be egotistical here. What is it about me specifically that's just so damn attractive? Because I *still* don't see it.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: This made sense in context
2: My mind *insisted* that this wording was correct, and I can't really say I disagree with it.
3: Man, I am such a hippie some days. But it's true!

Just a quick thought:

For a good long while now, I have been thinking in the back of my head about creating an actual difference between the journals kdsorceress and sorcyress. The former would continue to be what I use pretty much all my journals for --random life dumping, thoughts, silly questions, quotes, and occasional really good writing, while the latter would be restricted to just what I consider the "good" writing --things like my essays, stories, occasional forays into emo poetry, etc.

The entries on Sorcyress would probably be mirrored on kdsorceress, though not vice versa. It would pretty much be designed to give people a chance to skip all the babbling about my life, so they can cut straight to the things that will hopefully inspire discussion. It would also hopefully guilt me into actually writing more essays, so I could have content over there.

Thoughts?

~Sor
MOOP!

HAPPY EVERYTHING WILL GO RIGHT DAY!!

So far for me, things that have gone right include waking up next to a beautiful boy, getting to fold origami for teacher-class, and feeling as though I did really well on the Italian midterm. Yay!

What's gone right for you thus far today?

*poings around in happy ferrety circles, because damnit, today is the day for it!*

~Sor
MOOP!

One year ago today, it was 2008, and I was (shocking nobody who's ever had an extended conversation with me ever) interested in gender and sexuality.

I also believe I originally meant to post up some thoughts on that poll, ages and ages ago, and then got distracted. At the very least, go fill it out for me if you haven't, okay? Or, if you want to do the really quick and dirty version in the comments of this post...

You list as [gender(s)]:
Explain:

You are attracted to people of [gender(s)]:
Explain:

You consider yourself [poly/mono/etc]:
Explain:

You are currently in relatinships best described as [none/mono/poly/complicated/etc]:
Explain:

And, bonus question, since I forgot it in the original poll:
Your preferred pronoun is:

Seriously. This kind of thing fascinates the hell out of me. Babble¹ about gender and sexuality and stuff like that in the comments, please!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: No, really, Har, Dodger, etc. I like hearing people's thoughts, especially about this. I am encouraging long comments, damnit. Don't let yourself be limited by the thought that I'm going to be overwhelmed --if you're that worried, just toss a one line summery at the bottom for ease of skimming. I promise to read the whole thing though.