MOOP!

This is so lovely and I am a little envious that you are so good at articulating gender, because I'm pretty terrible at it.

So, gender, I'm a woman. Cis-by-default; I would rather not bother with gender at all, but the least effort option for me is not to correct the fact that basically everybody reads me as female. I am sometimes a girl in my own head, I was one for a very long time. But I wouldn't invite random people to refer to me as a girl.

Pronouns: I basically go by she/her because, again, it's the least effort. I like neopronouns better than they, but if people call me they out of generally not making assumptions I'm not offended. In English I like zie/hir and in Swedish the gender neutral pronoun hen. Both sound more feminine than not but are clearly epicene. My title is Dr. If people are horribly offended by academic titles that don't mark gender, I am fine with any of Miss, Ms or Mx but hate Mrs.

I generally define myself as bi, because I'm of a generation where that's a community word and I don't feel like I need to be more specific than that. I'm sexually somewhat more attracted to men and mascs, and romantically somewhat more attracted to women, but there's no gender or absence of gender that is an automatic no. I caucus with the Queers, but bi is more my word. I'm not offended if others call me pan or gay.

Sexually: I am very interested in sex with people I like as friends and not at all sexually attracted to random strangers or celebrities. I don't think this makes me demisexual but I can see how that word might be relevant; I'm a lot more like an allosexual person than a-spec, though. I tend to have very very longstanding crushes that I basically never get over, though I try not to be annoying when it isn't reciprocated.

I like sex where the goal is mutual pleasure rather than some specific act or combination of orgasms. I am kinky in that I like intellectual creativity in sex, I'm very subby but hate humiliation and (even pretend) disrespect. I am not very masochist but I'm willing to experiment with pain as an expression of submissiveness. I like vanilla sex without any pain or power games or bondage, but I don't like "straight" sex where everything has to proceed in linear sequence culminating in PIV. Also, significantly exhibitionist, so I am taking you at your word that you want to hear about sex I'm having!

I usually say I'm in a polyam relationship, rather than that I fundamentally am polyamorous by identity. I have been happy in monogamous relationships in the past. But I've been in a stable, primary relationship with three other people for 10 years and I don't expect that to change; I don't intend to break up with my life partners and I barely have time for any other flirting or dating or sexual-romantic connections. I do have a couple of comets whom I love very much but there isn't a big difference between friends I sometimes do sex with and friends I love without that physical side. And a queerplatonic soulmate I don't have a good word for, with whom I have a connection that is not exactly romantic but is very loving and emotionally rich, and not exactly sexual but involves a lot of physical play that looks very close to sex or kink or both.