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Sep. 18th, 2012 03:10 pmA friend of mine recently posted (in a locked entry, so no direct quotes) that it had been recently pointed out to them that people typically ask others to visit them, rather than asking to visit others. This led to both reassurance and digression on my part, some of which ought to go into the USER MANUAL! also known as this journal.
***
So, I was SUPER SUPER TRAINED as a kid that you never invited yourself to someone else's house. Like, according to my mom "can I come over" was pretty much universally rude.
As I've grown up, I've come to realize that this is sortof bullshit, especially when it comes to my life. There are heaps of people I would love to see and if I had to sit there and extend specific invitations to each and every one of them, it would be a huge pain in the ass, and I would probably forget someone. I would really quite prefer it if someone said "I'd love to come see you, when's a good time for me to visit?" and I could say "next weekend" or "tomorrow" or "try again in November" or "I don't quite know you well enough to give you crashspace, but do let me know when you're in Boston so we can do lunch" or "ALL THE TIME, GET YOUR BUTT INTO MY HOUSE" or whatever.
(It occurs to me that saying "I will be in town on the 17th, yo give me crashspace" is significantly less desirable. Don't do that. I want to see you, but I lead a busy life and I want to work out a time that'll be good for both of us, not just you. Additionally, I am not particularly a hostel service, especially not while I have roommates.)
This goes double for periods of time like right now, when I am short on time, and super short on money. I would love to visit all the people I know and adore in the world, but holy shit, I so can't afford the airfare (or bus, or car rental, or taxi, or whatever) right now. More importantly, I can't really justify spending four days away from potential jobs, but if you're willing to entertain yourself during the day, we can hang out in the evenings and it'll be awesome.
At any rate, what this all boils down to is:
Yep!
~Sor
MOOP!
1: And the roommates. I mean, this should go for pretty much all cases --while my roommates are chill people, I do still want to ask/give warning for people in the house. Especially if we mess up and accidentally all book visitors for the same weekend or something. Although that would make for a pretty boss party.
***
So, I was SUPER SUPER TRAINED as a kid that you never invited yourself to someone else's house. Like, according to my mom "can I come over" was pretty much universally rude.
As I've grown up, I've come to realize that this is sortof bullshit, especially when it comes to my life. There are heaps of people I would love to see and if I had to sit there and extend specific invitations to each and every one of them, it would be a huge pain in the ass, and I would probably forget someone. I would really quite prefer it if someone said "I'd love to come see you, when's a good time for me to visit?" and I could say "next weekend" or "tomorrow" or "try again in November" or "I don't quite know you well enough to give you crashspace, but do let me know when you're in Boston so we can do lunch" or "ALL THE TIME, GET YOUR BUTT INTO MY HOUSE" or whatever.
(It occurs to me that saying "I will be in town on the 17th, yo give me crashspace" is significantly less desirable. Don't do that. I want to see you, but I lead a busy life and I want to work out a time that'll be good for both of us, not just you. Additionally, I am not particularly a hostel service, especially not while I have roommates.)
This goes double for periods of time like right now, when I am short on time, and super short on money. I would love to visit all the people I know and adore in the world, but holy shit, I so can't afford the airfare (or bus, or car rental, or taxi, or whatever) right now. More importantly, I can't really justify spending four days away from potential jobs, but if you're willing to entertain yourself during the day, we can hang out in the evenings and it'll be awesome.
At any rate, what this all boils down to is:
- In general, people should ask me if they want to hang out, and are totally welcome to ask "can I come over" as part of that. I really like hosting, it's easier on me in a lot of ways, and it's the sort of household I grew up with and feel most comfortable with. What do you *mean* there are only three people in the house right now and they all live here? That's nonsense!
- This is true both in a micro and macro sense. If you live a quartermile away, but want to spend the night here because DS is awesome, by all means let me1 know and we'll work something out. If you live on the opposite coast and you want to come to Boston for a week and base out of my place, yes yes yes let me know and we'll figure things out from there.
- I am still pretty bad at asking to go over to other people's houses and always will be, so I guess more people should either tell me they are cool with me asking for an invite sometime, or they should actively extend some sort of invitation. Maybe I should keep a file of people who've said variations on "come over anytime (with reasonable warning and planning time)". Would that be creepy?
Yep!
~Sor
MOOP!
1: And the roommates. I mean, this should go for pretty much all cases --while my roommates are chill people, I do still want to ask/give warning for people in the house. Especially if we mess up and accidentally all book visitors for the same weekend or something. Although that would make for a pretty boss party.
