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May. 25th, 2020 02:44 amHaving joined Habitica again, I'm not using it very well. Something about it being the ~weekend~ and therefore not having to do things as much or something. Hopefully I will get my ass together and do better again tomorrow?
(I feel like maybe I am starting to slide out of a mild hell zone? This is interesting, but not unsurprising, that I seem to be able to recognize the Hell Zone more accurately when I am leaving it rather than entering. But maybe a good sign always is whether or not I've got the self discipline to sleep in a real bed, vs falling asleep on the couch for a while before going to bed.)
((There is definitely a somewhat different feel to the household on weekends, if only because suddenly Ezri's not working. It changes the overall house culture, yanno? Like, if I'm not doing work but they are, there's some degree of...guilt or accountability or something like that. (sidebar to Ezri: This is in no way meant to be judgemental or guilt-inducing, please enjoy your weekends!)))
***
Yesterday I fainted for the first time in my adult life. Extremely likely that it was lack of food/very low blood pressure/the usual low iron but worse. I actually hit the ground though (which meant I got to have a very charming conversation with Ezri where I went into the living room and was all "um...did you...hear a thump a moment ago?" and Ez saying that they had indeed, and had called "are you okay" and gotten no answer, but then heard me stirring so did not go investigate.)
Obviously I did some self-care immediately afterwards, mostly of the "drink a lot of water, eat anything, eat salt, eat fatty dairy full of protein" in that order. I did not faint again, or even grey out yesterday.
I have been greying out more than usual during these trying pandemic times. Just...stand up, get a rush and a little bit of weird in the head. This is what caused me to actually collapse to the ground --I have been enjoying the incredibly weird and unique moment of my brain sliding sideways into nothing and my head feeling pressured that comes with greying out. Normally if I just stand still, it passes. This time it did not and I got to experience the incredible confusion of waking up on my bedroom floor and having to piece together what on earth I was doing there.
(Yes, I recognize that grey-outs are a bad sign, probably of super low blood pressure, and when I've been experiencing them, I've been taking them as the alert they are and trying to minimize them. I have not been encouraging this, but I have been enjoying it when it happens, because bodies are weird and fascinating).
In case it's not very clear, I think this was an incredibly neat experience. I mean, no, it was not good that I hit my head on the floor (I spent the rest of the day watching for concussion, and everything was fine until I was lying in bed 14 hours later at which point my brain helpfully suggested that you're not supposed to sleep with a concussion, probably because you will die. I did not die.) But the rest of it! The rest of it was a keen thing my body has never done before!
At any rate, now I know what that feels like, and maybe I will be smart enough, the next time the world starts greying, to at least sit down immediately instead of trying to ride it out. Or better yet, drinking a lot more water to head the whole thing off at the pass.
...but probably I am not going to be able to answer in the affirmative to the MGH plea of "we desperately need blood donations" for at least another week or two.
***
Tomorrow I need to do more of the Endless Paper Sorting And Filing project. It is getting better, gradually. I went to four boxen on the floor to two, and now I've gone from three chock-full filing cabinet drawers to two-and-a-half. There are at least two specific projects that I am too shamed to mention explicitly, but need to get done as part of All This. Also at some point I'm gonna wind up doing a very hard culling of a LOT of old art. Or I won't, fuck it, who cares.
I also need to finish up the grading for seniors --last day was on Friday. Everything feels unreal, of course, but there will be some small celebrations in the coming days. I don't have a car, so I can't even go sit secluded during their "one student at a time in very proscribed times" graduation ceremony to happen in a few weeks. I am a little sad about that, and will miss them all dreadfully.
This is all quite hard, and you are quite wonderful for surviving it so far. I love you, and hope that continues.
~Sor
MOOP!
(I feel like maybe I am starting to slide out of a mild hell zone? This is interesting, but not unsurprising, that I seem to be able to recognize the Hell Zone more accurately when I am leaving it rather than entering. But maybe a good sign always is whether or not I've got the self discipline to sleep in a real bed, vs falling asleep on the couch for a while before going to bed.)
((There is definitely a somewhat different feel to the household on weekends, if only because suddenly Ezri's not working. It changes the overall house culture, yanno? Like, if I'm not doing work but they are, there's some degree of...guilt or accountability or something like that. (sidebar to Ezri: This is in no way meant to be judgemental or guilt-inducing, please enjoy your weekends!)))
***
Yesterday I fainted for the first time in my adult life. Extremely likely that it was lack of food/very low blood pressure/the usual low iron but worse. I actually hit the ground though (which meant I got to have a very charming conversation with Ezri where I went into the living room and was all "um...did you...hear a thump a moment ago?" and Ez saying that they had indeed, and had called "are you okay" and gotten no answer, but then heard me stirring so did not go investigate.)
Obviously I did some self-care immediately afterwards, mostly of the "drink a lot of water, eat anything, eat salt, eat fatty dairy full of protein" in that order. I did not faint again, or even grey out yesterday.
I have been greying out more than usual during these trying pandemic times. Just...stand up, get a rush and a little bit of weird in the head. This is what caused me to actually collapse to the ground --I have been enjoying the incredibly weird and unique moment of my brain sliding sideways into nothing and my head feeling pressured that comes with greying out. Normally if I just stand still, it passes. This time it did not and I got to experience the incredible confusion of waking up on my bedroom floor and having to piece together what on earth I was doing there.
(Yes, I recognize that grey-outs are a bad sign, probably of super low blood pressure, and when I've been experiencing them, I've been taking them as the alert they are and trying to minimize them. I have not been encouraging this, but I have been enjoying it when it happens, because bodies are weird and fascinating).
In case it's not very clear, I think this was an incredibly neat experience. I mean, no, it was not good that I hit my head on the floor (I spent the rest of the day watching for concussion, and everything was fine until I was lying in bed 14 hours later at which point my brain helpfully suggested that you're not supposed to sleep with a concussion, probably because you will die. I did not die.) But the rest of it! The rest of it was a keen thing my body has never done before!
At any rate, now I know what that feels like, and maybe I will be smart enough, the next time the world starts greying, to at least sit down immediately instead of trying to ride it out. Or better yet, drinking a lot more water to head the whole thing off at the pass.
...but probably I am not going to be able to answer in the affirmative to the MGH plea of "we desperately need blood donations" for at least another week or two.
***
Tomorrow I need to do more of the Endless Paper Sorting And Filing project. It is getting better, gradually. I went to four boxen on the floor to two, and now I've gone from three chock-full filing cabinet drawers to two-and-a-half. There are at least two specific projects that I am too shamed to mention explicitly, but need to get done as part of All This. Also at some point I'm gonna wind up doing a very hard culling of a LOT of old art. Or I won't, fuck it, who cares.
I also need to finish up the grading for seniors --last day was on Friday. Everything feels unreal, of course, but there will be some small celebrations in the coming days. I don't have a car, so I can't even go sit secluded during their "one student at a time in very proscribed times" graduation ceremony to happen in a few weeks. I am a little sad about that, and will miss them all dreadfully.
This is all quite hard, and you are quite wonderful for surviving it so far. I love you, and hope that continues.
~Sor
MOOP!
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