sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
[[written last night after I got home, posted this morning yay!]]

So like...as an indication of how I'm doing, I'm typing words on the school computer tonight, because Mel is still downstairs and I just couldn't be arsed to go down again and get her after already walking up the stairs once.

I am...pretty damn wiped out, from an ultimately brilliant and lovely day. Really really satisfied and happy, just exhausted.

It was Bee's birthday (well, it is on Monday) so they had decreed that after bells today there should be some celebrating. So before heading to bells, I packed up my bag carefully and made sure I would be completely ready for Adventures! Some highlights:

*Bells went really quite well today. I watched a round of Cambridge minor, paying specially attention to what JohnS was doing (because he's very good) and making my brain relearn the path, which turned out to actually work and when I got to ring it later, I only messed up a few times.

*I also rang what might've been my first ever touch of Plain Bob Minor where I was in the right spot every single blow. Like, I wasn't perfect with the timing, I was sometimes a little on the early or late side of the blow, but I distinctly and specifically knew where I was supposed to be --and was approximately there-- every time and I am proud of myself for that as long as I don't think too hard about things.

*The main adventure was BEACH! We all gathered food, met on the greenway as usual, and then split up half-by-car and half-by-T to go to Wonderland and have a nice time! The T group won the race by like 10-15 minutes, which was very excellent, although all of us were beat by Greg who had cheated by not being at ringing and therefore able to leave whenever he wanted.

*I went into the ocean twice. The first time I moved very slow but did dunk to neck. Also spent a bunch of time standing knee-ish deep and chatting with Julia about library stuff. The second time was after sand adventures (see below) and I went in more quickly and did eventually full dunk, which means my hair is full of salt. I lasted longer than I expected, and got out not quite soon enough1, but very nearly, and so only needed a small amount of wrapped-in-towel-and-sunshine recuperation time.

*Last time I was at the beach, I dug a quite good hole, and decided to do so again this time, which proved hugely popular with the "young" set of ringers (basically all of us between 20-35). Six of us worked together to dig a fairly giant hole --and we started close enough to the wall and pavilions that we actually reached the bottom! (Did you know that parts of Wonderland beach appear to be built on cement?). It was a very lovely bonding exercise.

*Also lovely bonding? The part where we then all dug little seats around the edge of the hole and sat on them and stuck our feet in on top of each other and then obviously dragged the sand in and filled it in so we were just a circle of torsos sticking out of the sand.

*And then we played Spoons! Using seashells, natch. The last round was the "throw all the shells way out of reach so that everyone except first-person will have to go dragging themself out of the sand to get them and it will be very dramatic" which was pretty much perfect except that we accidentally lost one card. Sorry Todd! :(

*Then there was long walks by the shoreside with Austin, and a bit of juggling and volleyball and frisbee and finally we all headed back to Bee and Austin's place for birthday cake and dinner and that was all very good as well.

I did not grow up with beach adventures in my childhood, not really but this has proven to be a fun thing to try for the summer! Lots of sunscreen is necessary of course, but I really enjoy the parts that feel sort of universally human --jump in and over and around the waves, pick up cool shells to show each other, and dig big holes.

Anyways, it is late and I have to be up early for tomorrow's adventures. Ta!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I have a growing familiarity with the fact that my body can't handle cold water for very long. I did the bad thing and stayed in way too long once, a couple years ago, and then found myself in the thoroughly unpleasant situation of standing around wrapped tightly in a towel (or two?) in 80+ degree weather on a sunny day, with my teeth chattering so hard I couldn't talk. That was no good, and the goal now that I've learned the limit is to not actually push past it again.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Having joined Habitica again, I'm not using it very well. Something about it being the ~weekend~ and therefore not having to do things as much or something. Hopefully I will get my ass together and do better again tomorrow?

(I feel like maybe I am starting to slide out of a mild hell zone? This is interesting, but not unsurprising, that I seem to be able to recognize the Hell Zone more accurately when I am leaving it rather than entering. But maybe a good sign always is whether or not I've got the self discipline to sleep in a real bed, vs falling asleep on the couch for a while before going to bed.)

((There is definitely a somewhat different feel to the household on weekends, if only because suddenly Ezri's not working. It changes the overall house culture, yanno? Like, if I'm not doing work but they are, there's some degree of...guilt or accountability or something like that. (sidebar to Ezri: This is in no way meant to be judgemental or guilt-inducing, please enjoy your weekends!)))

***

Yesterday I fainted for the first time in my adult life. Extremely likely that it was lack of food/very low blood pressure/the usual low iron but worse. I actually hit the ground though (which meant I got to have a very charming conversation with Ezri where I went into the living room and was all "um...did you...hear a thump a moment ago?" and Ez saying that they had indeed, and had called "are you okay" and gotten no answer, but then heard me stirring so did not go investigate.)

Obviously I did some self-care immediately afterwards, mostly of the "drink a lot of water, eat anything, eat salt, eat fatty dairy full of protein" in that order. I did not faint again, or even grey out yesterday.

I have been greying out more than usual during these trying pandemic times. Just...stand up, get a rush and a little bit of weird in the head. This is what caused me to actually collapse to the ground --I have been enjoying the incredibly weird and unique moment of my brain sliding sideways into nothing and my head feeling pressured that comes with greying out. Normally if I just stand still, it passes. This time it did not and I got to experience the incredible confusion of waking up on my bedroom floor and having to piece together what on earth I was doing there.

(Yes, I recognize that grey-outs are a bad sign, probably of super low blood pressure, and when I've been experiencing them, I've been taking them as the alert they are and trying to minimize them. I have not been encouraging this, but I have been enjoying it when it happens, because bodies are weird and fascinating).

In case it's not very clear, I think this was an incredibly neat experience. I mean, no, it was not good that I hit my head on the floor (I spent the rest of the day watching for concussion, and everything was fine until I was lying in bed 14 hours later at which point my brain helpfully suggested that you're not supposed to sleep with a concussion, probably because you will die. I did not die.) But the rest of it! The rest of it was a keen thing my body has never done before!

At any rate, now I know what that feels like, and maybe I will be smart enough, the next time the world starts greying, to at least sit down immediately instead of trying to ride it out. Or better yet, drinking a lot more water to head the whole thing off at the pass.

...but probably I am not going to be able to answer in the affirmative to the MGH plea of "we desperately need blood donations" for at least another week or two.

***

Tomorrow I need to do more of the Endless Paper Sorting And Filing project. It is getting better, gradually. I went to four boxen on the floor to two, and now I've gone from three chock-full filing cabinet drawers to two-and-a-half. There are at least two specific projects that I am too shamed to mention explicitly, but need to get done as part of All This. Also at some point I'm gonna wind up doing a very hard culling of a LOT of old art. Or I won't, fuck it, who cares.

I also need to finish up the grading for seniors --last day was on Friday. Everything feels unreal, of course, but there will be some small celebrations in the coming days. I don't have a car, so I can't even go sit secluded during their "one student at a time in very proscribed times" graduation ceremony to happen in a few weeks. I am a little sad about that, and will miss them all dreadfully.

This is all quite hard, and you are quite wonderful for surviving it so far. I love you, and hope that continues.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Hullo friends! I have been writing lots of accomplishment posts, but I don't think I have written very much regular posts recently. Here are some disconnected random things about me right now!

***

Somewhere in the very recent past, I decided that Now That I'm Thirty1, I no longer give a shit whether Those Dudes think I'm a bitch or not. This has involved me speaking up a little more in various places, and then wandering off as soon as I get bored, because unlike some dudes, I have sufficient self-control to not keep showing off my ass to the entire damn world. It's *great*. Not caring if Those Dudes think I'm rude is the *best* and I highly recommend it.

It is all made better by the presence of my trusted Partner in Petty, my darling baby sister who gets all the screencaps I think are too hilarious not to share. Anyways, if you're worried about incurring my wrath, it's pretty easy not to: if someone calls you out for doing something iffy, suppress whatever your knee-jerk reaction is, go somewhere else, think for a while, and then come back. Sure, sometimes they might be Objectively Wrong. But we all benefit from more time to consciously think before posting.

***

I've wandered back into doing Highland on the semi-reg, which is working out pretty damn well for me. It turns out Serious Aerobic Exercise Wot Gets Your Heart Going is good for a body and soul. Even if I remain terrible at it and it is very frustrating.

Possibly related to the point above, I have been getting better at saying to Robert "hey, you need to teach this differently for me to learn it" (which almost always is "much more slowly please", and occasionally is just "no I don't have questions, I just literally need to practice it thirty times in a row please and thanks".)

ANYways, I've almost got most of Bonnie Dundee, as long as you ignore the arms entirely. And tonight! TONIGHT WE STARTED THE JIG! Okay, so like, there's a very small number of actual "Highland" dances that get done in competition and stuff. Then there's a whole bunch of "National" dances. I'm not very good at remembering which are which beside the really obvious ones.

There are two competition dances that you don't get to do AT ALL as a beginner, because they are Too Hard. They are the Hornpipe and the Jig and they basically are the two MOST AWESOME Highland dances. They have very different feels to everything else (Jig especially, which is meant as a giant angry Irish stereotype and all the movement is so precise) and if we're gonna be working on Jig in the near future I'm gonna pull out all the stops to actually make it to practice!

***

My bike has a big fucking hole in the tyre, such that you can see the big fucking hole in the toob. No one likes this, least of all me. I need to figure out how to get my bicycle to quadbikes, which is all the fuck in Harvard. Everything is Very Sad And Dramatic.

On the plus side, I saw Neil the other night at dance (!!!!!!!) and he mentioned they still have my other bike, which I left there like a year ago and thought I'd lost to the ADHD tax. So that's exciting! Just have to get my shit together! Big time shit together!!!

***

In general, Becoming Effective is possibly working in a very small way? I just described it to Dragon as "it's slow but it is going" and that's pretty accurate.

The accomplishment posts are probably really good for me, although they feel cluttery on the page. Maybe I will revitalize my old "SorSpeaksWords" guilt-free spam-journal. Or at least start putting them under cuts? I dunno.

I hate everything about progress, apparently. Also the sleep part is absolute crap. This week I'm pretending that if I focus instead on drinking enough water it won't matter.

Hope you are well!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I am older than 29.5, I can start rounding! Although seriously, mostly due to my distaste with societal pressure for people (especially women) to lie about their age and "29" being the age to quote, I have been going with "almost thirty" the entire year, because I'm much more into that.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Work:
*The Usual
*Actually caught up on attendance, which I missed yesterday, and writing seven billion cut slips sigh. Still need to do participation.
*Also graded a random Calc assignment, which means I only have two more assignments for them before I'm totally caught up. And some random participation and entrance tickets. Sigh.
*Worked with favourite student for an hour-plus after school today! That's always fun, I like her a lot.

Physical:
*Walked to therapy, because my bike is borked. Beat the 91, but only barely.
*Took a shower in the morning
*Went to squares and did a bit of dancing! Also I'm going to lead the grand march. I have not done this yet, so we'll see how it turns out.
*Added: The grand march went totally fine! We went up and down staircases! Somehow nobody died!
*Wrist is mostly feeling better. Still keep tweaking it, booooo.

Social:
*Went to squares! Chatted with random people
*Got called rude on the internet for telling a white man I wouldn't keep arguing with him unless he paid me. His retort was "should I invoice you for my valuable time then?" and then making ten more comments in the thread to other people. I am laughing my fucking _ass_ off.
*Gonna go curl up with Austin and do sleep! I guess this also counts as physical?

Personal:
*Wrote words without accomplishments list. Day 151 in a row, day 127 this year.
*Did some nice friendly social on dumb phone game. I liked it!
*I have now checked my email and done read-response for everything for two weeks in a row. I haven't made any forward progress on the endless pile of unread things, but for two straight weeks I've not made negative progress. I kinda like this!

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Work:
*The usual!
*Honestly pretty triumphant for a Monday, without totally endless prepping or anything like that. Classes went well, flow of information good, yadda yadda.
*Green Club meeting was...small, but happened!

Body:
*Did a little bit of self-care and came home after school and rested real serious-like.
*Woke up for reals on second-alarm, which is pretty close
*Danced three dances, including a strathspey where I was really focusing on my footwork, which is always fun.
*Kept my wrist wrapped for much of the day, which helped(?) it? Wrapping in the ace bandage definitely didn't hurt anything!
*Obtained more meds from the pharmacy! Yayyyyy!

Social:
*Got to hang with jere7my and talk art and generally be silly together on the ride in to dance.
*At dance, spent some nice time sitting and chatting with Clara while she did some PT on her feet. Later we danced together, yay!
*Also got to dance with Neil McBadmotherfucker (as he is still designated in my phone), which is just..splendid! He hasn't shown up in a Right Age, and it's really lovely to see him around again.
*Lovely new guy from last week did not show up, but I did get to dance with a nice new guy this week who has reels down very very well and claims to have no other dance experience. His name is Ye, and I did not catch how he came to Scottish (mysTEERious)

Personal:
*Pushed through and did the emails
*Pushed through and am finishing words
*Came to an Important Conclusion regarding my future, and can now start moving forward with the rest of my life.

Wheee! Hope your Monday was nice and you are well rested for the week ahead!

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Fast Accomplishments:

Work:
*None

Bells:
*Lots
*Attempted to play Happy Birthday for Danielle. Much giggling.
*Trebled some stuff, including good practice just doing that
*Plain Bob Minor, and as Danielle put it "you were really good at getting back in after you got lost" which like, seems like a neg but is also a genuine compliment too
*Now I am struck with the absurdity of the idea of Danielle negging me and that's making me giggle, so small accomplishment yay brain.

Body:
*Showered
*Was smart enough to say "hm, wrist is weird, won't ring up", also won't ring all the things.
*Was not smart enough to otherwise be gentle to weird wrist about ringing. Whoops. I'm sure it'll be fine.
*Ate carrots, which are a vegetable, so that's pretty good.

Chores:
*Went grocery shopping! It has been literal months.
*Picked my bike up from where I left it last night. Examined tire enough to realize there's a big fucking puncture wound, like you can see through the tire to the hole in the tube. That's...not gonna be patchable I don't think. Add getting new tube to todo list, sigh.

Social:
*Bellslunch! Seeing friends!
*Replying a bit to emails and texts and planning things out.

sleep now!

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Accomplishments

Work:
*The usual
*Was subject to a very friendly coup by my second period. We did the first half of the class, with the discussion in preperation for the data sample we're gonna look at, then the kids convinced me that instead of going to the computer lab and doing the rest by themselves or in partners, that we should all do it together as a class and have more discussion. You know, to show our visiting researcher from the EDC how it's done. It was pretty cool, and one of the kids did lead the class passably well. He gets a super-rare bonus participation point.
*There was a much less exciting meeting about how we're making so much great progress in our new school culture implementation stuff, paired with a helpful roadmap of what we're gonna accomplish next year! It is super vague, I don't feel like there are any serious or good conclusions, and I'm kinda in hella-cynic mode this week.
*On the plus side, I got to talk to Side-Boss about potentially running the Algebra 1 SEI class differently next year, and she was super into it and said she'll talk to Real-Boss and this could be really great.
*Also got to help queer-culture English teacher who I love do some digital stuff she wasn't good at and I'm pleased.
*Went to Diesel (eventually) after school and did 2.5 hours of grading! Yayyyyy. There is still so much to do, oh gods.

Body:
*Did not get more'n six hours sleep, did not get up on first alarm (but did second I believe --woke with unremembered anxietynightmares, which always makes me inclined to curl back up and rewrite them.) Am still working on it, I think?
*Forgot to mention yesterday, but called in meds prescription. Like a week late, and it's _really_ hard for me to build a backlog, gotta get better!
*No highland, but lots of pretty great biking from Diesel to home to Charles-area for dinner with bellringers

Personal:
*Did the emails for today, day 145 of words.
*Played some Heroes of Might and Magic 3, which is a generally soothing activity.
*Social'd it up with the bellringers, despite skipping bells, which is definitely a soothing activity. So many lovely people! I'm gonna have to struggle so much to not be *insufferably* smug to Magus next time I see him about how awesome it is that we now have Dale and Emily up here in Boston.

Still amused at my therapist calling me out yesterday. I think at this point I'm doing the accomplishments list out of spite.

~Sor
MOOP!

Original Tags: accomplishments
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Brain ebbs and brain flows. Right now, I'm in a good space. More worrisome, I'm on day two or three of a good space, which means my entire life is going to come crashing down like day after tomorrow.

On the plus side I got put on another therapist's waiting list, and I have an appointment on Monday for potential intake/placement. Whee! And I have most of the next two weeks essentially off, which means I'm gonna have fuckall ability to get shit done, of course, because no routine.

Sometimes I can't tell whether I'm being depressed or realistic and it's annoying as hell.

Anywho, a quick todo list for the next few days:
TMC minutes, Pinewoods costuming and packing, apply for all the jobs, maybe work some? Work on my room for suresies. I should probably make some Active Effort on getting my place into some semblance of livable --I'd like to have access to a desk again (especially because then I could reinstate the rule where I'm not allowed to use the lappy in bed which might be good.)

What else...

Last night's dance was _really good_. It was solely dances from books 1-3, which means among other things we got to do the SCD version of the Virginia Reel. (People get annoyed by this sort of thing, which means I go up to both the teacher and the teacher-coordinator and explicitly anti-complain about having weird historical stuff to try).

There were some other really (physically) hard dances too, and the whole thing ended off with Mari's Wedding. This is great, except that my legs hurt and I have a billion hours of squares and rounds today and then highland tomorrow. I look forward to continuing to torment my body (I should do my pushups).

I have made a new friend! It's a new internet friend, which is the _best kind_. His name is Quads (well okay, technically it's something about quadrilaterals, but I started calling him Quads and then he changed his nick to match so I'm going with it) and he's into musical theatre and used to dance. I met him through the most recent incarnation of The Pie Shop, which let me tell you it is so important to my brain to have access to an IRC-like, apparently. Not enough for me to actually get into IRC (because honestly, at least half of the desire is a place to chill with mek), but having a general chatroom to harass people and the like is great.

I should really get into Slack, shouldn't I?

I've also _finally_ put together my Dreamwidth friends list, so I can actually come read over here. This is a good thing! This means I'ma read LONG FORM BLOGGING! And then maybe someday I will comment on LONG FORM BLOGGING and even get more people to do it, damnit.

Dunno. Not too much else to say, but glad to be saying things. This has been a bad year for writing AND LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN DEPRESSION GETTING WORSE AND NOT WRITING NOPE.

Hearts and stuff.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
So, did you know that sleep is important? Because sleep is, apparently, important!

Like, I've pretty much reached an understanding with myself, where I more or less "get" the idea that I have to eat, regularly, and honestly quite a lot. I'm still not particularly good at it1, but I understand that if I'm feeling mopey or wounded or depressed eating is probably a really good first step.

I have not reached this understanding with sleep yet. But Sunday and Monday nights were both 4.5 hours, compounded with me being SUPER SORE AND TIRED from BodaBorg still. Tuesday and last night were 6 hours, which is a lot closer to normal2.

Yesterday wasn't great, as I was still catching up, but today! Today everything has finally clicked back down, and I feel so much better. I mean, I'm still painfully stressed, behind in my grading, and in the middle of dealing with hellish logistics about both my future job and house, but damn, that extra hour and a half makes a difference.

(Of course, I'm not going to get a chance to actually pay back my debt this weekend, because convention...which I don't necessarily have a room for...um...shit. I should figure that out. Probably in the next twenty-four hours.)

So maybe I am going to make it some kind of goal (coughHabiticacough) to actually get at least 42 hours of sleep a week. I can do that, right? It's not even two full days! ;)

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I don't have disordered eating or food aversions, but I do completely hate cooking. And food shopping.

2: Strictly speaking, to function at my approximate baseline definition of normal, I should be alternating 6 and 7.5 hours of sleep a weeknight, with 7.5-10.5 a night on the weekends. This allows me to do the valuable awake things that keep my brain happy, and also gets me enough sleep.
sorcyress: A character from a comic about the maintenance workers of the universe, holding a thumbs up and saying "MOOP!" (Zonker MOOP!)
SO LET'S TALK ABOUT BODA BORG!

Boda Borg is a team puzzle solving challenge dungeon. There are seventeen quests, each consisting of 2+ rooms. Every room has a success mode and at least one failure mode. Sometimes a lot of failure modes. They warn you right off the bat, and repeatedly, that you are going to fail, a lot. Especially because not one of the rooms comes with instructions...

Insert evil laughter and a whole lot of YES here. This is the sort of thing my parents were talking about when they wistfully sigh about how they wanted a big ol' warehouse on the nice side of town. They wanted to make their friends do this bullshit, and how!

Some of the quests are purely mental. Some of them are purely physical. Lots are in between! And I just spent EIGHT HOURS kicking ass, taking names, and having an absolutely great time.

[personal profile] mindways organized a group of 21 of us --eight veterans and thirteen newbies-- to come check it out. We got together at 2:00, and I wound up in a group with three strangers. The four of us kicked ass and had a lovely time --and yes, we failed a lot-- until about 5:30 when two of them had to leave.

Cue dinner and a group switch. I was itching to try some of the hardcore physical challenges --which I had been warned ranged from "kinda tough" to "American Ninja Warrior". And yes, there are at least two challenges that I am physically incapable of doing right now, which is genuinely and actually awesome. So I ran about with two different strangers, and Mindways, with me and Alex making lots of jokes about how Mindways and Ted had it SO MUCH EASIER being that they're both in the 6'+ range and Alex and I were...not.

Around 8:30, Mindways had to head home. Ted and I found his (??), Rebecca, who was the last of the other group, and the three of us decided to be the last stragglers. We finished another few rooms together, and finally at 9:30, our bodies decided to call it quits.

I had an absolute blast. I love the way that sticking with one group is good, in terms of solving puzzles, and I was very pleased with how well my later groups did with letting me take point on rooms I hadn't seen, to figure out how to solve them (and they would just do whatever physical things I requested). I got one nice compliment from Mindways, when I finished a room in about three and a half seconds and he sorta looked at me and said "so most people find that part to be really challenging, because [thing x]" and I just sortof goggled and replied that I hadn't even noticed.

I would one thousand percent go back, and am lightly planning to with Mindways and his sister in June once my school year ends (they both have often-free-during-the-day schedules). If you would like to go, hit me up! I will not spoil the quests for you! I will be obedient and maybe give hints if I am nice and be competent on the things that require competence.

Final verdict (no spoilers but I do say which rooms I found difficult or not )

I am all for puzzles and I am all for physicality and I am all for situations in which you are expected and encourage to fail better. It was a really great time, I enjoyed hanging out with all my teammates, and I encourage all of you to try it too.

And now I sleep for fifty years and see if my shoulders stop aching. :D!

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Heyo! It's about that time again, have some resolution updates:

750words:
85 days. That is beginning to turn into real numbers. I am beginning to actually worry about what variety of stupid I'm gonna do involving Pinewoods. Like, there is a little internet booth at Pinewoods I could upload from, if I wrote the words earlier or later. That would totally work. That would totally not be an incredibly stupid plan. I have lots of free time at Pinewoods to write!

Music:
Sparr bought me the two s00j albums I'd been eyeing, and so now I have four/five1 of them, and yay. Sometimes I listen to other music too! I can probably stop updating this one, I think it's done.

Biking:
BIKING.
I have a bike again. I have a bike that runs again. It is amazing. Tyrian is the best. Also I got something like three flats in six days, I am not even kidding and that was super bullshit. But I think she's better now.

Candidate Class:
My exams were on Saturday. People keep asking me how I think I did, and I just...I really don't have an idea. I can't let myself have an idea, because I'm already more anxious about these than I've been about anything in the last ten years and thinking in depth about whether I missed important things will make me _actively crazy_. I should know my results in six to eight weeks, or possibly as soon as the end of this week.

There are a lot of combinations marked "failure" in my mind, and only two marked "success"2.

Pinewoods:
I am accepted to ESC, Scottish 1, and Scottish 2. I may be running a bug-themed party at ESCape, and I am super excited about that. It'll be really good!

Highland:
Seann Triubhas is only slightly easier to dance than it is to spell. >:|

Being awesome/mental health:
I have been an anxietyball the last week/month. It's very exciting. I am so sorry to anyone who has to deal with me, since anxietyKat seems identical to regularKat except I no longer smile as easily and the words that fall out of my mouth have a tendency to border on the _very_ dark.

But you know, I'm fine. Nothing going on is even a little bit worth killing myself over, and if it's not that bad, it ain't nothing in the long run.

Ambidancetrous:
I have made posts! I have made posts about the exam and posts about dances we wrote! I am hopefully going to make more posts, maybe about writing a grand march!

Making money:
I am the Bananager, I belong to the Bananamines, and also I'm pretty perpetually broke so if you have stuff I can do in the afternoons or evenings in exchange for your dollarbucks, I'm kinda intrigued.

Social:
Well, NEFFA didn't suck. Other than that, it's a real good thing I adore my fellow candidates, because I have seen NO ONE ELSE.

Dentist:
So, my dentist was all like "you need a crown" and I was all like "I KNOW, RIGHT!?"
So now I have a temporary crown and the real one will appear sometime in early June, probably.

***

No progress:
Dante editing
Paper sorting --I have, in fact, made negative progress by taking things out of my filing cabinet
Room
Grad School
Pushups
Dancing --I mean, I've been doing a ton, just not outside of Greater Camberville and also Stow yet.
Stiltsing --I was not allowed to make stilts before taking my exams.
ADHD management --no, and my executive functioning has been completely shot
Morrowind
Social Justice
Inbox 0
Activity vs Passivity online
Tracking media

Whee!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Susan dG sent me Sirens, I just bought Stolen Season when it came out, and Sparr sent me Tangles and Haphazard as CDs. So I have four. HOWEVER, at Balticon 2012, s00j sold out of Mischief and I managed to unfold my tongue long enough to be all "can I just hand you money right now and then get my friend to email me a zip file is that okay?" and she was like "sure, sounds great and very convenient!" So I have Mischief, legally, as a digital copy. (I will probably buy a physical copy when I get a chance both because I'm a completist and because it's actually my favourite, apparently)

2: Success 1: All five candidates pass their unit 2 and their unit 3. Success 2: All five candidates except me pass their unit 2 and their unit 3. Failure: Any other candidate fails either of their tests, because damnit, this is so important to all of us and yet I'm really the one for whom it matters least, Cambridge _has_ teachers.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Apparently taking naps in the early evening confuse me. I now have no sense of what time it is. I should probably eat food sometime, since that's usually the case.

It is very hot and sticky here. I half-slept at the end of my planning period, and dreamed I was a Mistborn, holding up a world. No, literally, like, the state of Maryland was being Pushed into the air by me and maybe some other Mistborn too.

I have consumed my first Graze box and soon I will consume more Graze boxes. I am trying to take pictures, so I can make proper hipsteriffic posts later.

OKAY I'M STIL ALIVE AND I STILL LOVE ALL OF YOU I AM JUST BUSY BYE NOW!

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
So, there seems to be this thing among the sex-blogger world, called "Half-Naked Thursday". It's a chance to post a photo of yourself, or of your tits, or of your ass, or cock, or whathave you. Something sexy, silly, and fun. Expose yourself to your audience.

I think it's a lovely idea, but I am not at all in the mood for sexy and silly and fun, and even if I were, it would never wind up here1. But sexy and silly and fun is not the only way to be naked. Vulnerable and open are naked too. Behind the Walls is naked, and it's the kind of naked that I don't want *anyone* to ever see of me --not friends, not family, not lovers. And every so often, I feel I need to sacrifice those walls to some higher power. Maybe Athe, maybe me, but I hurt some days, and I need to be able to share that pain to remain stable sometimes.

So, for my offering (although I am hardly a "blogger" in the first place and even less a sexy one --this is just my personal ramblings that people read for some reason), I have a photo. Me, half naked.

Happy Thursday.



This first2 isn't really a secret exactly --I've mentioned on a few occasions to a few people that I may very well be undressed, or nude, or whathaveyou, but I'm not *naked* until the glasses come off.3 It comes of two things --the first, silly, that I find glasses to be ridiculously hot, and love the way they look on people -yes, even me with my overlarge Tenney-glasses that I love to pieces.

The second reason is more sensible, and merely a reflection of how much I rely on my specs. If I'm not wearing my glasses, I can see detail for a span of maybe 2-7 inches in front of my face. Everything else becomes blurred. When we were growing up, Veronica constantly left her glasses at my house after sleepovers and such, which boggled me. If I am not wearing my glasses, I am always very aware of the fact.

My glasses grant me sight, which protects me in a way. I really appreciate that fact.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: exception seems to be for Middleman. Of *course*.
2: I originally had two photos to go here, but the explanation for the second rapidly spiraled out of control. I may post it another Thursday, some day.
3: This did once prompt a friend to say "then I've both seen you naked and stripped you", which is, according to that definition, totally accurate. And truth to tell, fairly rare --I've no good data for it, but I don't think I let very many people take my glasses from me.


Original Tags: behindthewalls, weakness, sparr, trust, photos, v, glasses, hnt, quotes, tagged, beforethewalls
sorcyress: Picture of a smiling tampon with the phrase "Girls: We're so emo we don't even NEED to cut ourselves" (Emo-period)
ETA: At any rate, I have this working camera, and this working webcam, and this flickr pro account, and I really *should* be using those things to make a lot more posts with pictures attached. Because pictures are pretty awesome.

So here, have a snap of me showing off my hair, and making a hand gesture that I also made at least twice and possibly as many as four times in my senior yearbook. Sorry, mom.



So, I swear this isn't turning into an angry-feminist-blog. There are some very good ones of those already, and I'm too shy to compete. But everything that's been clicking in as actual posts has been all angry and feministy lately, so that's what you get.

At any rate, I was bored, and wandered into Amanda Palmer's blog, which I really should read regularly. Her most recent entry talks about going to the Golden Globes with her fiancee, Neil Gaiman, and how she wore this cute little dress, and didn't shave her armpits.

And how she wound up on all these fashion sites, and OH MY GOD SHE WENT THE THE GOLDEN GLOBES WITHOUT SHAVING FIRST!

Perhaps I haven't made the grave seriousness of this situation clear enough.

OH.
MY.
GOD!


Like, how dare she not shave her armpits!

And, so, apparently this chica Mo'nique showed up to the GGs with unshaven legs, which she brazenly showed off1. I'm reading an article about Mo'nique and her legs, which includes the incredibly awesome line:

During a 2006 appearance on U.S. talk show The View, she told host Barbara Walters:
'I must show America what a real leg looks like … because it's too much in the morning, every morning, to shave, to cut, you got Band-aids baby.'
2

And so I keep reading, smiling that someone famous gets that you don't have to be hairless to be gorgeous, and I get to *this* line in the article:

Thankfully though she did admit to shaving her armpit hair to avoid what she called "stink".

...thankfully?
...thankfully

Yes, thank *fucking* god she gets rid of the hair under her arms. Anything else would be freaky! And definitely stinky, because there is no way to make your armpits not stink except by shaving off all the hair, nu-uh, nope, no way. Which is why every boy in the history of ever3 smells like a stinky thing every time they raise their hands above their head.

...hang on. That can't possibly be right, now can it?

At any rate, this is about when I take to the twitters, with loud angry-feminist tweets. Most importantly, I be all "dear world, there are things called showers and deodorant that make your armpits not smell, OHMYGOD SHOCKING I KNOW!" Unfortunately, I don't think the people who read my twitter are the ones who need to be hit with the cluebat, but there we go.

So yeah. Morals of this story are!

  • Amanda Palmer is awesome, hot, and is comfortable with her body, which is superdoubleplushot

  • I am awesome, hot, and sometimes comfortable with my body, but
    certainly comfortable with my body hair
    , which I suppose gets me a whatever, depending on your stances on such.

  • If you have a sense of basic hygiene, your armpits shouldn't smell

  • Body hair on people is not the end of the world oh shit oh my god.

  • If such and such is not your type, don't bitch about everything you consider wrong with them and how they're not pretty enough for you. Just stop looking at them and move on. (ohmygod, how revolutionary)

  • This Mo'nique5 person warrants further research, because seriously, I love her forever based off two lines in an interview (and okay maybe because she has kickass curves and I'm jealous)

  • This is not actually a particularly coherent angry feminist post, but that's okay. Sometimes I just need to be ranty.


YAY!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY FUCKING YAY I AM SO HAPPY THAT SOMEONE LIKE THAT WINS AWARDS! I LOVE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WHO BEAUTIFUL IN SOME OF THE SAME WAYS I AM BEAUTIFUL

2: SERIOUSLY SO HAPPY HERE!

3: Yes, I'm well aware some boys shave their body hair. That's cool, if it's what they want to do. Which behooves me to note that, whatever you want to do with your body hair is okay by me; this is one of those things I am really quite mellow about. Do whatever makes you happy, or, if you roll that way4, your SO(s) happy. Don't bother anyone else about their choice and everyone will just be fine.

4: Which is to say, if you honestly don't have an opinion, and your SO does, and you're willing to do it for them. Not because they demand it of you. Demand is not generally cool.

5: *GLEE AND HAPPY!*
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
I hate crying.

I hate it more than many many things, and what I hate most of all is crying out of frustration, or over something stupid, or for no damn reason at all. I hate it because it makes me feel small, and weak. I hate it because it means I'm living a stereotype I want to avoid, that of the feeble, dainty female, who needs to be protected, and coddled, and helped along. She's not strong enough to do it herself --better let someone else take over.

Yesterday, I went shopping with mom. Part of this was a lovely trip to the bra shop, so I can actually have more than two bras that fit me well and I enjoy wearing. Sitting in the dressing room, trying on a cute little 34A -just my size!

And the cups are too damn big for my tits! I don't even know how it happened, just all of a sudden I'm sitting alone in the fitting room, trying not to sob loud enough so that someone actually hears. It's really *really* stupid --I love having small tits, it saves me a world and a half of trouble-- but it's just the defeat of wearing the smallest bra in the store, and having it gape. I know I ain't ever gonna be big and curvy and beautiful, but c'mon gods. That's just mean.

It wasn't more than a couple seconds, barely enough tears to wet my cheeks. I pull myself together, get over it, take a few deep breaths until the mirror shows a pale enough countenance to play normal. I continue shopping, the event passed, but somewhere, deep in the back of my mind, I have taken a slap to the face.

Because I was crying. Over a fucking piece of *clothing*. Because I am a woman, because I am weepy, and because I am weak. That metaphorical slap trails off to join all the hundreds of thousands of minor slaps and taunts and jeers that have collected over the years in the back of my mind, a collection of laughter over how little strength I actually possess.

It's every time I drop something, or run into something, or trip over something. It's every "slow down or you'll hurt yourself", every "take a deep breath and relax". It's frustration at being lonely, being stupid, being lost and unlovable and painfully painfully insecure, and it's frustration at being so easily frustrated, and so unable to change.

It's techno fandom thinkin' I can't move baseplates for the pipe and drape. It's Target sending me away to "go get something you *can* lift -like pillows!" It's every single customer, male or female, who doesn't think I can when I offer to carry something big and heavy out to their car for them, and tells me as much. Why the fuck would I offer if I couldn't carry it, asshole?!

It's being weak, and crying at that weakness, because I'm just so tired of it. And every time I cry over something stupid, I hear society's evil little voice in the back of my mind. "Aww, look at the stupid little girl, someone better go help her."

(I cannot *stand* being helped. I'm too stubborn and prideful to ask, but more than that, it's the fact that *I'm* the one who's supposed to be doing the helping! But this is another essay)

Society laughs at me, and files me away as just another stupid weak female. Can't help you move, she's not strong enough to lift the boxes. Oh look, it's a sad part of a movie, guess we better pass the tissues! Society sees me, and judges me, and judges my entire damn gender along with me, and it sucks. I'm tired of living up to my gender stereotype.

Sorry if this is incoherent. I kinda feel like I'm about to cry.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Oh hey, I never posted this. It seems pretty readable, so have an essay that's been lying around on my desktop for a couple weeks. I think I wrote it just post-NEFFA or so.



So, I don't shave my legs.

(I don't shave my armpits either, but it's a little easier to hide that --I can wear t-shirts all summer. There is weather where pants *really* aren't an option.)

I've never shaved --never really seen the point. My general feeling about it is that the only thing it really accomplishes is boy attraction, and therefore falls into the same category of "completely fucking useless" as wearing make-up does. When I was of an age to learn how and get into the habit, I was also of an age where boys were useless and relationships impossible. For just post-pubescent Sorcyress, boy chasing was the furthest thing from my mind.

As I've gotten older, actually accepted that maybe this relationship idea is not all bad all the time, and started to (on occasion) do things specifically to attract boys1, 2, I've still never bothered to shave my legs. Between the feministy stance and the much larger "I am lazy and a little bit of a perfectionist and I don't want to waste my time doing that to the degree I'd want to" stance, I've just never gotten around to it.

This would not be a problem, were I not a little bit self conscious of my hairy self. Okay, a lot self conscious. I try really quite hard to love my body just the way it is, but as with the stomach thing (mine is round, not flat), I live in a society that has made it very very clear that my body is NOT PERFECT and I should therefore try to fix it.

This is obviously bullshit. The clearest reason I can see for having a societally perfect body is so I can catch myself a man. Maybe if I get to a point where I can't rattle off without thinking the names of ten guys3 who would happily have sloppy make-outs with me I'll shave and start binge-dieting like it's going out of style6, but in the meantime, I think I can live comfortably with my really quite awesomely hot body just as it is.

Now, almost a year ago, something in my attitudes changed. Prior to this, I tended to wear a lot of tights, a lot of pants, yes, all summer long. Tank tops would only be worn with an open button-up shirt over them. Society couldn't make me take a razor to skin7, but it could at least make me hide the fact that I didn't.

So, a year ago, I was driving somewhere with my friend Jim. It was recockulously hot out, because it was summer in Maryland, and I was wearing shorts. At one point in the conversation, he commented, and I gave my usual "I am lazy and a feminist and therefore don't bother" answer. His response? Totally without mocking "You go girl."

My brain clicked into place, and more or less all was right with the world. That was about the point of my life where I started actively trying to be better about loving my body like it deserves. I've stopped wearing tights when I know damn well they'll be too warm, short skirts are even less the enemy than before, and while I'm still a little bit self conscious wandering out in the world, I'm getting better and better at just not giving a shit.

I don't get in people's faces about it. I don't rail against my smooth-legged friends. ((Hell, when given the invitation, I will happily run my hands up and down my roommates just shaven legs --all of the niceness without any of the itching or stubble the next day!)) I don't even usually bring it up. I just wear short skirts and bare legs and let people decide for themselves whether that's terrible. If people can't be friends with me just because I don't match that idea of normalcy, well, I don't really want them to stick around to find all the other deviant behaviours I indulge in.

I still can't look in the mirror every day and think I'm gorgeous. Hell, half the time I can't even manage seeing "pretty". But I'm getting a lot better at looking in the mirror and seeing myself, exactly as I'm meant to be, and not someone uncomfortable in her own skin.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I feel that this is about the point in the essay where I should say I'm only using boys because I am too lazy to constantly write out "folk who like girls" I have no problems with being ogled by members of any gender --at least not when I'm in ogleable mode. It's a weird little exhibitionist line, and would probably take another essay to explain.

2: And I still don't often do things specifically to attract people. Rocky Horror and *some* conventions are the only exceptions, and only to a small extent.

3: This is not an exaggeration, and I've thought of at least two more since I said that. And these are just the folk I *know* want sloppy make-outs --I'll be damned if I can ever remember or keep track of how many of you want to take me home and do naughty things with me.4

4: ...or to me, but that's a different post, and one I don't feel like putting here. Suffice to say, I think that sloppy make-outs5 should have all parties as active participants. More fun like that.

5: This is a euphanism.

6: Or, you know, I'll just get over it and be happily single. Shock, horror, all that.

7: And that's another thing. Razor blade. Can kill people. Scraping against skin. How the *fuck* is this considered normal for *anyone*?

((That being said, I do have maybe a slight preference for clean shaven men. But I've had perfectly nice kissies with boys with beards before, so really, shaven status is totally up to them. Unless they try to grow a pornstache. I do not give kissies to boys with pornstaches.))
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Apologies for missing yesterday, I suppose. This is really only just my project, I think, so I don't know why I feel the need to offer apologies to anyone else. Still though. It's just been...a long day. Didn't get a chance to post, not really, so I'm just going to skip the ninth and go onto the tenth.

The tenth is more relevant, anyways.

One year ago today, it was 2008. And I had a bit of a panic attack. Nothing too serious --just me bailing on reality for a bit, climbing my tree, talking to the denizens1. Being shoeless and in a t-shirt in a tree, at night, in what I think I remember being wet. All of this (including and especially the bodymisery2) is very normal for me.

Different from most every panic attack prior to that date, this was the first time I have any memory of being able to Get Help with my insanities.

I'm up there, in my tree, with Gabe just holding me --not trying to help me, not trying to sort me out, just being this presence wrapped around me in a way that no one had ever really done in the real world3. And somehow, he gave me the strength to know that I would listen to someone else, and that the only way to do that was to use that tool in my pocket and call someone.

I forget exactly what I got Magus to tell me when I called him...something along the lines of "You're a worthwhile person, okay?". And...it worked. We talked a little on the phone, and a bunch on IM. It's frightening to trust like that; I'm still not really any good at it.

But at least I'm getting better.

Oh, and Sor? You're right here:
And I have no idea why I'm telling you all this and I think I may need to go sit quietly back behind my walls for a little bit, but that's probably not the right answer except it's safer there
Only not, because walls trap people inside them


Soyes. I'm actually planning to discuss the entry from today more when I get around to making my resolutions2008 post. But damn. It's nice to know how to trust people. And it's really really nice to know that I have people who, when they ask how I'm feeling, I can say I feel shit and babble a bit and they'll comfort me and randomly and for no reason tell me I'm pretty6.

Take care of yourselves, y'all. And call me if you need that shoulder --I mean it.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Annnd slitting Alis's throat. Yeah. I get fucked up during panic attacks. Luckily, denizens don't die like that.

2: Bodymisery --using the world around me to inadvertently hurt myself. Letting myself be hungry or freeze my ass off. Yes, I know I should do that sort of shit, but when I'm in that sort of state, I can't bring myself to care or believe I deserve the proper human comforts I tend to love.

3: I have this thing...since I was very young, most every time I've cried, I've had this desperate want for someone to just be there to hold me and help me feel better. Of course, if I called them or in any way got them to come do such a thing, it would be tainted by the fear that I was hurting someone through my own misery, or dragging them away from something more important4. As such, I have *been* held like I needed when I cried, twice now even. It's mind-bogglingly amazing to realize you're living one of your fantasys.5

4: Yes, I know this is *really* stupid. You don't have to tell me.

5: 2008 I got to live three big ones, that I remember. Yeah. Yeah. It was an amazing year.

6: Gods, I love that. I never get tired of it, and I'll probably never stop blushing and smiling like an idiot.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
THOUGHTS WHILE PACKING:

1548:

Man, my folder of worship is getting *awesomely* full. One Comedity print, original art by Randy Milholland, Randall Munroe, and Jeph Jacques, a random commision of a dinosaur I bought at AnimeBoston, Hiro's milk mustache ad, the picture of me that Dominik used as a print for his portfolio, and my still alive index cards.

And that's not counting the Maryland folder of worship which contains an obscene amount of KattersArt, and my original sluggy art.

(For reference, the folder of worship is basically full of everything that goes on the wall of worship. So, not real posters, but Other Cool Things. I should put the ST article I ripped out of a magazine in there too.)


1557: Dude, that's James Bond? What the hell is James Bond music doing in my iTun...ohyeah. Thanks Talia!

1636: Unrelatedly to anything (I'm fine today, just a little stressed out) I find it really interesting that, one of the things I do when I'm trying really hard not to start crying in public, is to begin seeing how much of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy I can recite.

Granted, this somehow backfires as I originally began to learn hitchhikers as a self-masochistic way to illustrate the 2718.89 miles between me and my clone, and if I think too hard about that I'll be depressed, but still, just as a "shit shit I need to distract myself from everything in real life" it works like a charm.

1925: ...Ohyeah, I was working on this. Well, I mean, Ria was all "doof?" and dhs was all "I'll bribe you to come to Diesel with the offer of giving back your clothes" and so I went and got dinner with Ria and Mando (who recently dyed his hair BLUE and so now looks not unlike a character of mine) and then went to Diesel where I stayed for like...an hour or something. On the wicked plus side, I was finally properly/formally introduced to [livejournal.com profile] sunspiral, which is exciting. *adds him as a friend*

Now all I need to do is properly meet Cthulia and I'll be able to officially consider myself a Boston based fen.

2137: Did I really just spend the last two hours reorganizing my friends lists, again? Fuck. Me.

2224: You know what I want to know? I want to know how long it would've taken me to meet and become friends with Janny without the sluggy.net link. I think the only other person on my friends list who I could say pretty confidentally that I would meet without however I met them having happened is dan4th. And maybe very vaguely possibly Magus, but only insomuch I would've started to meet him at Balticon '06 rather than Origins '04

I'm attempting to clean out my gmail inbox, ie, archiving everything I'm done with. I had 1209 messages from 2008 sitting in my inbox waiting to be archived and about 4500 overall, I am *hilariously* bad at this, and not just because of the several hundred comment threads of doom I'm ignoring with mek.

OH! And I might be going to GenCon this year!! Mom's going, and if I can get the time off from wherever I will be working, there was an implication of me being able to booth babe for Joan. :D!

2237: So, something Tristan asked me right when we found out we were both virgos1 was "So what's your neurosis?" I can't remember exactly what I answered --almost certainly my default compulsion, the fact that I clean my glasses overly often, and every single time I ever get into a conversation about OCD or neuroses. *speaking of which, cleans 'em now. Sigh*

But I think my current big one is the neck thing. I hate hate HATE having my neck touched, it freaks me out. Occasionally, I'll just freak out about the fact that I have a neck for no good damn reason which pisses me off, especially when I get the "ohgodohgod, need to have nothing near my neck, RIGHT NOW" Necklaces and collars I can take off. T-shirts are harder. Skin is impossible.

I was idly thinking about this, and about the fact that, when doing the cuddling/petting/caressing fan situation that I seem to find myself in a lot, if someone gets their hands too close to my neck, I will invariably move their hands down.

At some point, I am going to inadvertently move their hands down to far and accidentally cause someone to grope me. Stupid fucking neuroses.

2301: Oh, bitches!! So, I'm looking at my class schedule, and the creative writing class I really wanted to take because hey --Sorcy likes creative writing!-- takes place on Thursdays. From 6:45 to 9:15 PM.

Yeah, when is Concord based contra again? What's that? Exactly that time? What the fuck Belanie. What the fuck.

(So now I have to decide if I'm going to try and find another class to take instead or if I'm just going to not start doing contra up here until next January --I suspect one of the deciding factors in which I choose will be how much contra I get in over the summer.

Still though. Bitches.

0019: QUOTE OF THE DAY:

JoshZed:
this is more of the strong evidence that I'm really a 1 on the Kinsey scale
or close to it
I mean, if Randall doesn't do it for me, who will?

(Good lord, has the concept of sexing up Randall Munroe become a *theme* in my livejournal? That's either terrifying or awesome.)

Also, I am amused that I started this as 'thoughts while packing' and haven't actually packed anything in seven hours or so.

0101:

NEW Quote of the Day!

"Do I want to know why you are interested in my lovelife?"
"Because human interactions of all sort fascinate me."
"Any sort of interaction is fascinating if it involves cherry-flavored lube!"
[Immediate follow-up comment] "...........I did not just type that.........."

0112:

OHMYGOD.

Does the world love me? I don't actually know. But the world might!

But...not being at movie night.

But Satanic motherfucking Mechanics!

Ohhhh, I should not be forced to have decisions like this...

0222: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Sor? Fuck you. Go do your paper. Like...now. Just because you know damn well you're not going to be sleeping tonight is no reason to not get the paper done early.

P.S: What is your plan, to sleep on the floor or something eventually? You're incredibly fucking stupid, I hope you're aware of that. Also, a week of sleep-dep? What makes you think you'll even be able to potentially *begin* to make it to Rocky? Yeah, that's what I thought. Tell your terminal optimism to fuck off.

Allfornow

~Sor
MOOP!

1: heh, I almost wrote that as 'virgins'. Oops.
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
Wrote a hella long, highly whiny, BtW entry in between taking notes during maths class. Knowledge gained (and somewhat expanded on here) is this:

Read more... )

Yep. 'sall the emo you get for now.

~Sor
MOOP!

*I think it's second. I wrote out several of the rules, in an arbitrary numbering sense a couple days ago. The only ones I remember are the First Rule (Avoid Stupidity) and the Fourth Rule (Boys are the stupidest thing to fight over, so are girls) (This rule is actually starting to fall out of vogue, now that I'm past high school.) I'm pretty sure the eighth rule was that "If this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight."

"You are the most important person in your life" would be the first rule if Avoid Stupidity wasn't so strongly a part of my upbringing. (Although, if it's going by what was the first rule earliest, the first rule really ought to be "Do not touch mommy's desk")
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
So.

Updates:

*I have now seen the first six episodes of the newest Doctor Who. "Oh, fifty-seven academics just punched the air." --comedy GOLD! ((And by 57 academics, he of COURSE means several hundred slashing fangirls))

*Arm is feeling MUCH better. I had dad look at it, and he says it's only bruised. :)

*Going to a big old feast at the Old Mill where I wind up with plates full of the most delicious stuff imaginable (Neva spice cake! Apple-mango tarts! Mmmmm!!) and then waking up and realizing it was all a dream...sucks. Big time.

*I've got a trustpost brewing about mental intimacy and trust and my total lack of it. This may or may not ever come to fruition, but I think it wants to.

*I also need to make a post about body image and fud and some combination of that, inspired by recent posts by [livejournal.com profile] ancientsong and [livejournal.com profile] kittiekattie

*Orientation for becoming a target-bitch today. Yay me. :P

*I need to pack for college orientation, which is Monday and Tuesday of next week. Guess what time I have to wake up in order to be in Boston by whatever time orientation starts! I'll give you a hint --it's something like four in the fucking morning. Rar.

*I need to clean my nest. And my room. Eh, motivation. Whatever.

*I am now going to go read my friends list, and then play guitar hero. Ta!

~Sor
MOOP!

Original Tags: college, doctor who, food, trust, body image, hurt, target, the doctor, geetar hero, dreamlog

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