MOOP!

It's been a long series of _very bad_ brain days, with no end whatsoever in sight. Like, there are individual events I'm excited for, but at this point I'm sorta fucked up enough that I don't think I remember how to be generally functional for the times in between. It's...you know. It's the logical conclusion of over a year of pandemic.

Anyways, today was one of those days in which I realized I'd really _badly_ hit the wall and I attempt to make some positive changes. Or at least, if not proper change, at least try and do a few positive things today? I dunno. I walked a lot, and saw some birds. I took a shower. I actually washed the fucking dishes. Progress is slow but existent. Someday I will do grading again, it's been a while.

One of the biggest problems of the immediate past (which was less of a problem up to like Feb/Mar) is that I've completely abandoned the idea of "sleep", which inevitably is leading to everything else being shittier and harder. Lots and lots of just falling asleep at my laptop at weird angles, which is...not helpful for anyone! Significant amounts of bedtime revenge procrastination, where I decide that eleven thirty at night is an excellent time to open up the SCP project and read a few dozen files (it's not). Sigh. My hope for tonight was absolutely to get to bed on time, I did a social instead, but maybe can reach bed by midnight at least?

The fact that it's been a fairly cold May has not helped. As Rey pointed out, it's getting warm enough during the day that the house-heat isn't running as often, and that's fine...during the day. But then we don't have enough of a cushion, and it honestly feels ludicrous to push the thermostat up as we approach summer. I think I would prefer it if we just had a few more warmer days.

Anywho, I am still alive and to the best of my knowledge have not given anyone Covid, so I'm doing as well as can be expected of anyone. More than that is just extra credit at this point.

~Sor
MOOP!

So, did you know that sleep is important? Because sleep is, apparently, important!

Like, I've pretty much reached an understanding with myself, where I more or less "get" the idea that I have to eat, regularly, and honestly quite a lot. I'm still not particularly good at it¹, but I understand that if I'm feeling mopey or wounded or depressed eating is probably a really good first step.

I have not reached this understanding with sleep yet. But Sunday and Monday nights were both 4.5 hours, compounded with me being SUPER SORE AND TIRED from BodaBorg still. Tuesday and last night were 6 hours, which is a lot closer to normal².

Yesterday wasn't great, as I was still catching up, but today! Today everything has finally clicked back down, and I feel so much better. I mean, I'm still painfully stressed, behind in my grading, and in the middle of dealing with hellish logistics about both my future job and house, but damn, that extra hour and a half makes a difference.

(Of course, I'm not going to get a chance to actually pay back my debt this weekend, because convention...which I don't necessarily have a room for...um...shit. I should figure that out. Probably in the next twenty-four hours.)

So maybe I am going to make it some kind of goal (coughHabiticacough) to actually get at least 42 hours of sleep a week. I can do that, right? It's not even two full days! ;)

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I don't have disordered eating or food aversions, but I do completely hate cooking. And food shopping.

2: Strictly speaking, to function at my approximate baseline definition of normal, I should be alternating 6 and 7.5 hours of sleep a weeknight, with 7.5-10.5 a night on the weekends. This allows me to do the valuable awake things that keep my brain happy, and also gets me enough sleep.

So, as some of you may know, Sorcy has a huge fascination with polyphasic sleep patterns, to the point where one of my 101 in 1001 goals is to spend a solid two months sometime in devoted non-monophasic sleep.

I've just thought of one interesting problem with sleeping at weird times: when do you get in your basic hygeine? This thought started just with when do you change your clothes, and spread to include things like showers and brushing teeth, etc.

Me and my fucked up monophasicish lifestyle make it a point to go through at least one full change of clothing in every twenty four hour period. Unlike virtually everyone I know, however, unless I'm dressing up for something, I usually tend to do this changing more in the evening, before hanging out with people. This came out of the fact that I pretty much sleep in whatever t-shirt and panties I was wearing the night before, and have no qualms about pulling on the same pair of jeans two or three days in a row. This means I ocassionally tend to get lazy, and just pull on jeans and throw on a bra when I wake up, especially if I'm running late and don't want to have to analyze an outfit¹

Eventually, I will realize I'm wearing the same clothes I wore all yesterday, and then I will feel all gross and go take a shower and put on something clean. Of course, by that point, I'm not doing anything active and not really 'wearing' out my clothes, and so I just sleep in them and wear them the next day. Repeat.

(You must remember also, the Sorcy is -at the moment- almost nocternal. I have not fallen asleep before midnight in a heinously long time, and, when given the option, most days I wake up around noon or one. Next year and my four 9:30 AM mornings a week will change that, but for now, I like it. Butyeah, considering I don't even get up until the afternoon, I'm really not wearing out my clothes that fast anyways.)

Unrelatedly, I forget how much I adore mornings, because I never really see them. And by morning, I of course mean sunrise until about nine o clock --everything is so calm and peaceful and serene. It makes me feel at ease with myself.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Contrary to popular belief, I do not really just roll into my closet and wear whatever sticks. (Unless I'm running HEINOUSLY late) I actually put a painful amount of analyzing into what I wind up wearing, most of it really really stupid. While I can and do get away with the jeans and a t-shirt look on a daily basis, I tend to be picky as to what t-shirt I want to wear (I don't want to wear any of these! Where are my fen shirts, damnation?!).

This problem increases astronomically the second I have to dress up for anything. Hell, even going to SCD causes me to rummage through my wardrobe in a frenzied sort of manner, looking desperately for a 'good' (ladies cut, usually) t-shirt that'll not look too egregious with whichever skirt I'm going to wear. But when it gets to semiformal things, like classroom observations, where you want to look professional and adult, but not fancy? Oh jesus christ, I go into full blown panic mode.

In short....go see all of Jannyblue's rants on fashion. Mine tend to be pretty much exactly the same. Yep.

LAST FINAL OF SEMESTER:
Part one: Finish databases for projecty thing. STATUS: Complete.
Part two: Print out a page of information, with pictures, for each superhero. STATUS: About to be started
Part three: Create an Excel spreadsheet. STATUS: Oh god, there will be no sleep tonight, will there?

EVERYTHING ELSE I NEED TO DO BEFORE I LEAVE:
Part one: Clean room. STATUS: Bahahahahah!
Part two: Pack. STATUS: Oh god, there will be NO SLEEP tonight, will there?
Part three: Hit up Newbury Comics for Becky's birfday present, hit up Joie de Vivre for more christmassy grabbag things and possibly a clone-type present. STATUS: Well, I actually can't do this one until tomorrow. So, on hold.

You know what's fun? KNOWING that you're not going to sleep until approx four PM the next day, so you can crank the loud bouncy music and grin like a manic idiot and be prepped to stay up late.

~Sor
MOOP!

Finished watching Coupling tonight.

( spoilspoilspoil )

In other news, yes, highly entertaining TV = good incentive for Kat to get off her lazy butt and write papers.

In other other news, I have an evil plot about sleep that I should so turn into a real thing. Also, brain, I cannot believe you just suggested that, no. No. No. No, busyness. And it's not actually closer. And packing. AND STOP THAT.

Fucking brain.

Talk to you lot laters!

~Sor
MOOP!

Although, apparently early in the morning I'm either more tactful, or too tired to be angry at people.

Yeah. Sor is up at three in the god's be damned morning. Rather against her will, I'm afraid.

Being a girl BITES! You boys don't realize how lucky you have it.

On the plus side, it is post Balticon, so my body can behave itself ocassionally. How much you wanna bet I start bleeding as soon as I get into London? Please don't answer that -I'm an optimist. I'd like to *pretend* the odds are in my favour, even if they're not.

Seven girls and four adults, half of whom will be PMSing at one point or another, I suspect. Oh dear Lord, I've signed onto a nightmare. Blah.

You know what sucks? Finding midol and taking hot baths and roaming around have waken me up, not to mention google-serching how to make a hot pad out of things I might have in my pantry (thus far unsucessful)

Oh wait, apparently rice works. Hmmm, does anyone know if plastic baggies explode if you put them in the nukerwave? Maybe I should find a dicebag. Let's go see if we can wrangle one of those.

Oh right, and the above sucks because I really, REALLY can't justify going back to sleep. Hear me out on this one before you give me your dissaproving looks, mom. If I go back to sleep at this point, I will be impossible to wake up, and fairly groggy and tired. If I make the push, however, and just stay awake until school and then do a regular day, I will end up tiredish at the end of it, but I'll be awake and presumably ready when Veronica shows up. A unique and interesting concept, I know.

I wanna try polyphasic sleep. Except it'd be virtually impossible for me to pull off, what with SCHOOL and not being able to sleep in the middle of that. I'd try it during the summer, but it'd be a bitch to have to readapt to monophasic when school started again, and I don't think I could pull it off in London. (Scratch that...I know I couldn't pull it off London-side) So if I was going to flirt with the idea, I'd have to start whenever it is I start college.

Which is not going to be soon.

Should I be turning this into two entries? Probably, but in all truth I don't care. It's amazing about how much I don't care about things right now. Early morning is a very selfish time.

Midol is the best invention in the world, however. Also, it is impressive how much more awake one feels when one gets dressed in real clothes. Nightgowns are nice, but have that whole restful quality to them. Real clothes are much better.

I wonder how I'm going to explain awake to Dad. Mum will be easy enough to deal with, until she reads this entry (And I'm far too lazy to make an 'everyone but my mother' filter) but dad is not used to having strange teenagers be in his house. Well, awake in his house. Especially not me.

I should go work on my lovely little Balticon report. All manner of stuff has made it in there, and mek is going to kill me, but that's ok. I can ressurect myself, that's the fun thing about being a sorceress.

I will go ahead and say that favorite people of the weekend (Besides Larry and Sue for bringing me --THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!) are probably marcmagus and jannyblue. Mostly because I really wasn't expecting either of them, and they both pleased me no end pretty much just by existing. So yay for them.

Ooo, internet's working. I should go investigate finding that thing. Yeah. *waves hand vaguely* I'll tell you lot later, unless I forget, which is entirely likely.

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Dude. A three hour stream of conciousness elljay update done when I'm too tired to think very rationally is probably cruel. But wouldn't it be lovely fun? This is why I don't advise asking what I'm thinking at any given moment -I'm odd enough to tell you. And unlike some people, I fund it impossible to turn off my thoughtstream, or even really to limit it. Which leads to babbling, and ocassionally, nervous breakdowns. But that only happened once.

Right, archive trawling. Back shortly.

Oh wow, I didn't say anything NEARLY as embaressing as I expected to in my post-origins report. I must have saved all the swooning for the private journals. Is it possible that little old froshman me knew the first rule of online blogging, namely, always assume that the person who you least want to read anything, will?

Actually, I think she knew it better then I do these days. So, I am just more trusting, or do I have better secrets to share? Maybe I'm fracturing the walls some.

Of course, then something like the recent fiasco with whatshisname occurs, and I go back and add another layer of cement to the top. (And before you ask, no, I do know exactly what whatshisname's name is, I just don't feel like telling *you*. See above notes on assuming that the person you want least to read, is.)

I like my walls. *runs hand over them affectionately* Which apparently I can do, as there now seems to be a rather three dimensional map of my brain in the lounge. That's new.

*looks around*

Her pit seems to have dissapeared as well, which is very very nice. I can definently deal with Her not being lurking so much, and Her recent proximity to Hyde was making me nervous. Even if he's been very quiet lately.

Really, they all have. Maybe it's just that I haven't talked to Aren and the boys in a while -they all florished when I was regularly chatting with her. Although, it tends to be a bit...dramatic therabouts.

'sok, it tends to be a bit dramatic hereabouts, too. Even discounting all the lovely voices in my head, my life is...exciting. Interesting, perhaps. Ah, a Shin'a'in curse, "May your life be interesting." Provided I'm remembering right, of course.

...did I spell that right? *Googles*

Oo, I did! Ha, shows that my lovely Myste Lackey obsession hasn't COMPLETELY died out. I should reread some of those again, especially the ones I've only ever read once.

You know what are fun? Nancy buttons, which are rather too pretty, and damn they STOLE MY MIND! (Not to mention far too much of my money) I'm currently wearing my "sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak POUNCE!" and my "Free Hugs" buttons, because they're still attached to my hat. I should probably DETACH all the other ones that are living on my piratecoat or my bag, but meh. Too lazy. Plus, the dangers of the internets (ie, people I enjoy chatting with) have stolen my brain again. Curse them all!

Well, actually don't. I do, after all, rather like both mek and Marc, and them being cursed is bad.

I'm going to go work on my conreport some. Mostly because I'm now rational enough to do so.

*isback* Not that it really matters on elljay, it's all sort of blendy and timeless. It's almost like a time machine!

I should go out and watch the sunrise. I don't think it's started yet though, so I can't. I should at least keep track of it though.

Talking to people is most excellent. I like people. Of course, I can't talk to people AND have a thoughtstream going at the same time, so yeah. Or rather, I can, I just can't write it down.

Oh wow, y'know what I haven't done in a while? I haven't trawled the What's New page at Snopes in a while. Back shortly...

Well, not shortly. And carp, I missed the sunrise. Bah.

I should go start getting ready for school. Shoes, and whatnot. See you cats and kittens later!

~Sor
MOOP!